I’m Elna, a Catholic school-girl and sexually active. My grandmother doesn’t know and none of my friends do either. When they talk about losing their virginity or abstaining until they get married, I keep quiet. I don’t say anything.
The other day when one of them asked me, “So, are you going to wait until you get married or have sex with the first guy you date?”
I lied and said, “I’m going to wait until I get married.” They believed me and didn’t broach the subject with me again. I felt like such a liar and a hypocrite, especially since I was going to church every Sunday with my grandmother and I read my Bible everyday.
I’m scared that my grandmother or my friends are going to find out that I’m sleeping with Mr. Adelmann, my Austrian History teacher. We started sleeping together soon after the semester started. I was 16 at the time, the legal age of consent here in South Africa but still, my grandmother who is my sole guardian still has authority about what I may consent to whilst under the age of 18. Mr. Adelmann and I made sure that we took precautions so that I didn’t get pregnant. If anyone found out about us, he could get fired and maybe I would get expelled. So, it was very important that this be our little secret.
I never dreamt that a man as handsome as Mr. Adelmann would be interested in me. I wasn’t pretty. I didn’t have long hair or a good figure. There were so many bouncing beauties in my school, why me? I wasn’t thinking, “he shouldn’t be having relations with any of us.” I was simply blown away by the fact that he chose me who was so quiet, reserved and a book worm.
I didn’t socialize much because I always felt like the odd wheel. Boys hardly noticed me. My friends were always going out on dates while I stayed at home reading or blogging or went to the library or the museum. I was what you would call boring. I liked going to church, though. I was in the youth choir and I liked dropping off donations and much needed items to the the homeless shelters.
The first time Mr. Adelmann and I became sexually involved was one late afternoon when I went to his flat to get gently used clothing from him to take to the men’s homeless shelter. I was helping him to fold the shirts, sweaters and tee shirts and jeans and put them in bags when we both reached for the same jeans and our hands touched.
I watched transfixed at our hands and then my mouth went dry when he began to rub his thumb against my hand. My eyes flew up to his face and my heart skipped a beat when I saw the expression on his face. His eyes lowered to my mouth which parted and then, I was in his arms and he was kissing me.
We kissed wildly for several minutes and then, we were tearing each other’s clothes off. When we were both naked, he swept the clothes we had folded and the bags off the bed, pulled down the covers and gently pushed me down on top. We kissed again and then, he made love to me. It hurt and I cried out but then, the pain subsided.
When it was over, we got up, showered and after having something to eat, we continued folding and putting the clothes in bags. He helped me to carry them down to my grandmother’s car which she had lent me. After we placed them in the trunk, he turned to me and said, “I hope you don’t regret what happened between us.”
I shook my head. “No,” I said. “I don’t have any regrets.”
“I don’t want to be just your teacher,” he said quietly. “I want to be your lover too.”
“Ok,” I said, hardly able to believe what was happening. Out of all the girls in the entire school, he wanted me to be his lover.
“No one can find out about this,” he said. “We could both get into trouble if they do.”
“I–I won’t tell anyone,” I promised. It was going to be our special secret.
He smiled and leaned over to kiss me on the mouth before he walked me around to the driver’s side of the car. He opened the door for me and I got in. “Good night, Elna.”
“Good night, Mr. Adelmann.”
“When we’re outside of school and alone, call me Markus.”
“Good night, Markus.”
He pushed his head in through the window and gave me a lingering kiss on the mouth. He was standing there, waving when I glanced in the side mirror.
We became lovers as of that evening and have been lovers since. That was two years ago. I’m now 18 years old and soon to be graduating from school and attending university. I don’t know what the future holds but I hope that it will include Mr. Adelmann–Markus whom I’m now madly in love with.