I recently found out that my husband of 20 years has been having an affair with one of his students. I found out when he told me on day that he had been fired from his teaching position at the university where he had taught for 23 years. The girl, an African exchange student, was expelled and to make matters worse, she was pregnant with his child.
I was so devastated that I almost passed out. I had to sit down and gather my wits about me. Shock, rage, jealousy ripped through me. I wanted to throw things at him, lash out at him and throw him out. I loved and hated him at the same time.
I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me. I was a Christian woman married to a man I believed to be Christian only to discover that he has been cheating on me with a girl young enough to be his daughter. We didn’t have any children. We tried but nothing worked so it was painful to me that he was going to be a father to someone else’s child. It was like a punch in the gut. I felt like Sarah in the Bible when she was despised in Hagar’s eyes because she was able to get pregnant with no problems at all. I wanted to meet this girl whom my husband had betrayed me with.
My husband said he never meant for the affair to happen but one day when they were alone in his office, one thing led to another and…He said that after that one time, he tried not to let anything happen between them again but the feelings were too strong. He was too weak to resist the temptation and so he took her to a flat he rented. They managed to keep their relationship a secret until one day, someone from the university spotted them in the underground garage in a passionate embrace before they hurried to the elevator.
I felt sick. I kept wishing that this was a nightmare and that I would wake up soon. It was some time later when I somehow managed to ask the question which had been burning in my mind, “So, what are we going to do now?”
He was pacing about the room, hair tousled from constantly dragging his fingers through it and his features pale and drawn. He stopped abruptly and faced me. “Dawn, I don’t quite know how to tell you this.”
“Just go ahead and tell me.” My voice sounded very shrill.
“I want a divorce.”
I gawked at him. “You want a divorce?”
“I should be the one asking for a divorce. You’re the unfaithful one in this marriage.”
“I have been faithful to you all of these years. Never once did I look at another woman or cheat on you.”
“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” I retorted. The tears were falling afresh. My fingers tightened into tight fists. “Are you anxious for a divorce so that you could be with her? What’s the matter, John? Did you get tired of being with me, a woman who is pushing 50 and hasn’t been able to give you children?”
“Dawn, please believe me when I say that the last thing I wanted to do was to hurt you…”
That did it. I jumped to my feet, my face red with fury and I slapped him hard across the face. “Hurt me?” I yelled. “Is that what you call what you’re doing to me right now?”
He looked contrite and tried to reach out to me but I shrank back. I didn’t want him to touch me. “I think it would be better if I were to move out. I’ll go and pack a bag.” He turned and walked out of the room. The silence was deafening.
I collapsed on to the sofa again and dissolved into tears. I heard him come down the stairs and the front door open and close. Minutes later, I heard his car drive away. He was gone. Where would he go? Probably to the flat where he indulged in his sordid affair. I don’t know how long I sat there. The living-room was dark. The clock told me that it was six o’ clock. I tried to make sense of what was happening but I couldn’t. My marriage was over. My husband wanted a divorce. He was going to have a baby with someone else. I wanted to be the mother of his children. When we found out that I couldn’t have children, we were devastated but years later, we had talked about adopting. Now, that was out of the question. He wanted to be with someone else. I was left out in the cold.
Divorce was something I never once contemplated. For me, marriage was for keeps. Besides, I loved John and I wanted to grow old with him. And I know that he loved me too. Then, a year and a half ago, I noticed little things. He wasn’t as attentive or amorous as he used to be. He went out a lot. We hardly went anywhere together and most evenings, I had dinner alone. His excuse when he came in was that he was tired. He had had a long day. He taught at the university and he also did ESL evening classes at a community college. I didn’t know that he had stopped teaching those classes and spent his evenings at the flat with his student. I had no clue. All I knew was that my husband’s behavior toward me had changed somewhat but I never once suspected that he was having an affair.
Like God, I hated divorce but I decided that I was going to give John what he wanted. It was no use holding on to a marriage that was over and to a man who didn’t want to be married to me anymore. Weeks passed before I spoke to him again and it was over the phone. I couldn’t bear to see him. The hurt was still too fresh, too raw.
“I’m sorry I hit you,” I said.
“Don’t be sorry, Dawn. I had it coming.”
After I told him that I would give him the divorce, I asked him, “Do you love this girl?”
“Yes. I do. That’s why I’m leaving you, Dawn.”
I felt as if someone had kicked me in the stomach. “Does she love you?”
“Yes. Dawn, once the divorce is finalized, I’m going to ask her to marry me.”
It took a few minutes for me to reply. Tears welled in my eyes and I gripped the receiver tightly. “You know that the Bible says that a man who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery?”
“Yes, I’m aware that in God’s eyes and the church’s I’m an adulterer but sometimes, it’s hard to live according to the Bible when one’s heart is involved. I love this girl and I can’t give her up.”
“Even if it costs you your salvation? You know the Bible says that people who commit adultery will not have any share in God’s kingdom.”
There was a long pause and then he said, “Don’t worry about me, Dawn. Just know that I’m sorry for how things turned out for us. If I hadn’t met and fallen in love with this girl, you and I would still be happily married. Thank you for the wonderful years we’ve had together. I hope that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me for what I have done to you. Take care of yourself.”
After I hung up, I burst into tears. My heart was breaking for the loss of my marriage and for the loss of his salvation. I kept hearing Jesus’ words, “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand.” John had been following Jesus all of his life but unfortunately, he had allowed his love for the girl to draw him away. If John had continued to listen to Jesus’ voice, obeyed His teachings of Jesus and resisted temptation, no matter how strong it was, nothing or no one could have removed him from God’s care and protection.
Weeks passed and I still hadn’t been served the divorce papers. I wondered what the delay was. I thought of calling John to find out but I didn’t bother. I figured that I would receive the papers soon enough. I later found out that he was going to serve me the papers on the day after I got the terrible news that he and his girlfriend were killed in a fatal collision while on they were their way to the hospital. Their baby daughter was delivered alive at the scene. The driver of the livery cab which was taking them to the hospital also survived and was in stable condition.
Shocked, I raced down to the hospital and met John’s sister, Abby and her husband, Tim there. Abby’s eyes were swollen. We hugged for a long time, crying. Then, she told me what happened and that the baby was in a serious condition and that everyone was praying for her. I went into the chapel and prayed too. We spent all night and until the next morning at the hospital, anxious but hopeful. Then, at around 5 in the morning, the doctor informed us that the baby was out of danger. We all breathed a collective sigh of relief and hugged each other.
I went home to shower and change and then I returned to the hospital. I stayed there for most of the day, talking to the nurses who answered my questions because I told them that I was family. Technically, I was because I was still married to John. The divorce hadn’t gone through. I never got the papers. I visited the hospital every day and when I got to see the baby who was now in stable condition, my heart melted when I looked down into that tiny face. The nurse asked me if I wanted to give her the bottle. I hesitated at first but then something urged me to do it. I nodded and sat down in the chair.
The nurse placed her in my arms and I held her like she was porcelain and I was afraid to break her. “She’s tougher than she looks,” the nurse assured me. She gave me the bottle and then she left us alone.
I stared down into a pair of beautiful eyes as I fed her the formula. I kept thinking that it seemed strange that I was the one here with her instead of her mother. Tears came to my eyes when it hit me that John was dead and that he wasn’t going to be a part of his daughter’s life. He wasn’t going to see her grow and become a young woman. What would become of this little angel? Who would take care of her?
That evening I spoke to Abby about it and she told me that she couldn’t take care of her. She had her hands full with her own kids who needed her. There wasn’t room for one more. She was John’s only sibling. And she had no clue about the baby’s mother or her family. “I would hate to see my niece end up in an orphanage or a foster home. I wish I knew a family who could adopt her.”
“I could adopt her.” The words simply flew out of my mouth, startling me. “Did I just say that?”
“Yes, you did.” Abby looked pleased. “And I think it’s a great idea.”
“You don’t think it’s strange that I would want to adopt a child my husband had with another woman?”
“To some people it might be but not to me. Besides, the baby isn’t responsible for the actions of her parents. I still think that what John did to you was unforgivable.”
“I have forgiven him, Abby. I was hurt and angry for a long time but I have moved on. I had accepted that my marriage was over and that there wasn’t anything I could do about that. But, now I feel that God has something great in store for me. I had always wanted to be a mother and now I have a chance to be.”
“Well, what do you say about us going and buy a cradle, pull-ups and diapers so that when you bring her home, you’re all set?”
I smiled. “I say, that’s a great idea. Let’s go.”
We bought everything we needed. Weeks later, I completed the step-parent adoption papers and now I’m officially a mother. Abby went with me to bring the baby home from the hospital. I was nervous and excited. I wanted to do my best to make her happy. Fast forward to seven years later and Mala (I named her after her mother) is a lovely, bubbly little girl. She has John’s eyes and his personality. I told her about him and her mother. I explained to her that something bad happened to them and that’s why I’m her Mommy now. I told her that they loved her very much. I have shown her photos of them together which I took from John’s flat before it was let to someone else.
Mala told me that she was sad that her Daddy left me for her Mommy but she promised that she would never leave me. That brought tears to my eyes and I hugged her. I told her that she was the best thing that ever happened to me. She is a precious child and truly a gift from God.
I’m raising Mala to be an obedient child of God and a god-fearing woman who will never let anything or anyone cost her her salvation.