Were you honest going into your marriage? I just started reading the book, What Every Wife Wants Her Husband to Know by Annie Chapman. One husband complained that his wife had changed the rules after they got married. She behaved one way before they got married and a completely different way after they got married. Before they got married, she didn’t have a problem going hunting with him. Weather was not a factor or the time of day or the terrain too tough.
However, after they got married, she stopped going hunting with him altogether. It seems she was willing to do whatever was necessary to win him and end up at the altar. Once she had accomplished that, she didn’t see the need to impress him anymore. It turned that he too changed since they got married. Chapman says, “When we win our spouses with one kind of behavior and then change the rules after the marriage vows are spoken, we have practiced deception” (page 20).
Granted things change after we have children. We are not free to do the things we used to do when we were dating but arrangements can be made. If we are truly serious about preserving our marriage, we would do whatever it takes to do so. We can have the kids sleep over at their grandparents or have a babysitter come over and we go out for dinner or to the movie or spend a romantic weekend at a hotel.
If you are engaged to be married, ask yourself if you are marrying him for love or for another reason. I know some women marry because they don’t want to be lonely or it’s convenient or they don’t want to end up a spinster. I have a cousin who obviously wasn’t marrying for love. On the day of her wedding, she said about, “The next time I get married…” She hadn’t even walked down the aisle as yet and she was thinking about her next wedding?!? Not surprisingly, this first marriage did not last. Things had gotten pretty bad between her and her husband after they got married. Once she even called the police on him. He is now in a new relationship and she is unmarried. Thankfully they didn’t have any children.
As I mentioned before, some couples get along nicely until they get married. One or both of them change and the real person comes out. Had she seen this side of him or he seen this side of her, the marriage would never have taken place. Consider your feelings and motives before entering into marriage. Be honest with yourself and your intended.
Notes to Women 