For the longest time, he had wanted to reveal his true feelings to Hester but things and people kept getting in the way and whenever they were alone together, his resolve failed him and another opportunity would be lost. Today, after mulling over it, he was determined to do it. He couldn’t allow another day or week to go by without professing his love for Hester.
His heart skipped a beat at the thought. What would her response be? Shock? Trepidation? How did she feel about him? He knew she liked him. She had said as much after he had declared that he liked her very much at the Slaves dance but did she love him?
He remembered the first time they met. It was when he was in the drawing-room with his mother after they had returned from spending some time out in the garden. Hester came in carrying a vase of flowers. She paused when she saw Frederick and then, she averted her eyes as she went over to the table to set the vase down.
“Thank you, Hester,” his mother had said. “Those are lovely. They add color and brightness to the room. You can put them in the study too.”
“Yes, Mistress.”
“Hester, this is Master Frederick. He’s back from England.”
Hester curtsied. “Master Frederick.”
At first, he had just stared at her, thinking how very fetching she was and then, after clearing his throat, he muttered, “Hello, Hester.”
“Hester is very happy being here at Cherryville, aren’t you, Hester?”
“Yes, Mistress.”
“And I’m very happy to have her. If you need a shirt or a pair of trousers mended, Hester will take care of it, won’t you, Hester?”
“Yes, Mistress.”
“Thank you, Hester. You may go and tend to your chores now.”
“Yes, Mistress.” She hurried from the room.
“Is something the matter, Frederick?” his mother had asked.
“No, nothing’s the matter,” he quickly replied. He hadn’t expected to react the way he did when he met Hester. His heart had suddenly begun to beat faster and his face felt hot. He didn’t mean to stare at her, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. Fortunately, his mother didn’t seem to notice or think anything of it.
Turning to his mother, he had inquired, “Is she really happy here at Cherryville?”
“Why wouldn’t she be? It’s better here than at Frogmoss. Besides, your father and I treat her much better than the Johnsons did–well, than Mr. Johnson did. He couldn’t wait to get rid of her because she was older than most of the other slaves and unable to breed. He couldn’t wait to buy that poor girl, Cissy who was murdered because of him. I think–no, I’m positive that Hester is happier here.”
He hoped that she was right. In the following days, he found himself thinking a lot about her and longing to see her. Then, remembering the times they were living in, he tried to deny his feelings for her but the more he tried to deny them the deeper and stronger they became. It got to the point where he had to stop denying them and acknowledge them. He hadn’t meant for his mother to know but when she press him about marrying Blanche, he had to refuse and explain why.
It was the first time in his life that he had shocked and disappointed his mother. He was truly sorry about that but he couldn’t marry Blanche or anyone when he was in love with Hester. He hadn’t meant to fall in love with her but he had. And now, he couldn’t imagine his life without her and he knew that if his father ever found out about his feelings for her, he would sell her immediately. He had to make sure that he never found out and he knew that his mother would never tell him because she was afraid of what he would do and she didn’t want Frederick to get into trouble.
Frederick wasn’t afraid of his father but he didn’t want him to sell Hester when he wasn’t there as he did with Walter. It wasn’t true that Walter had harassed Nancy and when he tried to tell his father that, he insisted that Walter was guilty and that was why he had to get rid of him. The whole incident with Walter and Nancy still puzzled him, especially as Nancy said that she told his father that Walter hadn’t done anything wrong.
Frederick knew that he had to be careful and make sure that no one else knew that he was in love with Hester. He knew that Hester wouldn’t tell anyone either. No one knew that he had been teaching her how to read and she only spoke proper English when they were alone together. She would get into trouble if it was discovered that she knew how to read. So, it was their secret.
He got into the carriage and when he arrived at Cherryville, he went directly up to his room to change. Then, he went to the place where he and Hester usually met on Sundays. His heartbeat increased with each step. He had to tell her. He couldn’t lose his nerve.
She was waiting for him. She was always there, waiting for him. She smiled as he approached. “Hello, Hester.”
“Hello, Master Frederick.”
“Hester, I don’t want you to call me Master when we’re alone.” He wished she didn’t have to call him “Master” at all.
“All right…Frederick.”
His eyes darkened at the way she said his name. “That’s much better.”
“It feels strange not calling you Master.”
“I’m not your Master and you’re not my slave. We’re friends.”
“Friends?”
“Yes. We’re friends, aren’t we? We like to spend time together, don’t we?”
“Yes. You read to me and you teach me how to read.”
“Yes. I–I brought something I would like you to read. I wrote for you.” He reached into his breast pocket and took out the folded sheet of paper. He unfolded it and handed it to her. It was the poem he had written for her ages ago but never got the nerve to recite it to her.
She took it from him and read it carefully. When she was finished, she glanced up at him. “You love me?” she asked, sounding and looking very surprised.
His face was flushed and his heart was pounding. “Yes.”
“But what about Miss Daphne? The Massa said that she’s going to be your wife.”
“That isn’t true. I’m not going to marry Miss Daphne because I don’t love her. I love you, Hester. You.”
She looked dazed. “I can’t believe it…You love me?”
“Yes, I do.”
“But, I’m a slave, a black woman, older than you and I can’t have children.”
“None of those things matter to me.”
“But, you’re going to be the Master of Cherryville one day and you’re going to get married and have children.”
“I don’t want to get married and have children, Hester. I don’t even care about being in charge of Cherryville. All I care about is you. All I know is that I’m in love with you and for that reason, I can’t–I won’t marry anyone.”
“The Massa isn’t going to like that.”
“He’s not going to find out–at least not for a long time.”
“The Mistress isn’t going to like it either.”
“She knows and you’re right, she doesn’t like it but there isn’t anything she can do about it.”
Hester looked afraid. “What if she tells the Massa?”
“Don’t worry, she won’t tell him–for my sake and yours.”
She folded the sheet of paper. “Can I keep this?”
He nodded. “Yes.”
She put it in her pocket. “I’ll make sure no one sees it.”
The fact that she wanted to keep the poem was a very encouraging sign but he had to know how she really felt about him. “Hester, how do you feel about me?”
She looked at him and then, she said softly, “I love you, Frederick.”
Frederick reached for her hands. “Oh, Hester…” he muttered thickly. How he longed to take her in his arms and kiss her. “You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say that you love me.”
“I didn’t want to because you’re the Massa’s son.”
“I understand. If we lived in different times, we would be able to love each other openly. As it is, we have to keep our feelings for each other a secret. Only my mother knows. No one else can find out.”
“I won’t say anything because I don’t want to be sold again. It would kill me to leave here–to leave you, Frederick.”
“Don’t worry, Hester, you won’t be sold and I promise that you and I will never be separated from each other. And, we’ll continue to meet like this every Sunday.”
“All right.”
His eyes darkened on her upturned face. He started to lower his head to kiss her when they heard his father calling him. Startled, they broke apart. “I’d better go and see what he wants before he comes here and sees you.”
She nodded.
Frederick went to his father who told him that he needed him to accompany him into town on plantation business. The expression on the older man’s face brook no argument and he told him that he was to meet him by the carriage in five minutes. All he could say was, “Yes, Father.”
Frustrated, Frederick waited until his father walked away before he returned to Hester. “I’m sorry, Hester, but my father wants me to go with him into town on business. You know that I would much rather stay here with you, don’t you?”
“Yes, I know, Frederick. You go with the Massa. I will stay here for a while and then go back to the house.”
He reached out and taking her hand, he raised it to his lips. Then, he turned and briskly walked away, resenting his father for interrupting his time with her.
Hester watched him go and then, she took the sheet of paper out of her pocket and read the poem several times before she returned to the house with a smile on her face.
Notes to Women 