Women Ashamed of Their Bodies

I watched an episode of Dr. Oz which featured two women who were ashamed of their bodies and avoid letting their husbands see them naked.  Both women have post pregnancy weight.  I still have a post pregnancy tummy and our son is three years old!  I don’t like how it looks but fortunately, it doesn’t make me ashamed of my body.  My husband still thinks that I am sexy and desirable–in fact, he prefers my post pregnancy body.  He says it makes me look like a mature woman.  However, not all women feel good about their post pregnancy bodies as in the case of these two women on the Dr. Oz show.

The redhead had abandonment issues.  Both of them feared that their husbands would leave them if they saw them naked.  The redhead had sex with her husband only 5 times in the past year and hasn’t been naked in front of him in 9 years.  This is so sad.  Imagine not being able to enjoy being naked with your husband because you are unhappy with your body.

I felt sorry for them.  The husbands seemed loving and supportive.  They both said that they loved their wives but the women didn’t seem convinced.  They both make love with the lights off and the sex is not at all frequent.  I read that a survey shows that more than half of women feel so overweight that they avoid having sex with their partners.

13 per cent of the women polled said that they only had sex with the lights off because they were embarrassed to be seen naked and one in ten expressed a desire to be more adventurous in the bedroom but stuck to the familiar sexual positions because of how they felt about parts of their body.  Some women admit that they only have sex out of duty.  What a shame. Sex is a wonderful way to express love for one another.  It should be a fun, stress free experience.  This, however, could be a problem when the woman is not feeling good about the way she looks.  Women place a lot of importance on their physical appearance.

Caryl Richards managing director of the diet company, Slimming World, said the statistics showed that for women self-confidence and weight were closely connected, while men tended to feel more pragmatic about their bodies, whether or not they were overweight.

She said: “Women worry much more than men about what people think and they hate how they look and feel.

“Buying clothes and getting dressed to go out becomes a major anxiety, with the mirror a constant reminder of how unhappy they are with their bodies.

“They’ll stay in and decline social events to avoid the issue, they lose self confidence quickly and their sense of self worth is seriously affected by how they feel about their weight. It’s something that’s always on their mind and which affects much of their daily life.”

I know that women are more critical of their bodies than their husbands, boyfriends or partners are. Insecurity of her body can affect a woman’s sex life.  An article stated that being insecure about her body, regardless of  weight or appearance, is the most unattractive quality for a woman to have during sex. This takes the pleasure, spontaneity, enjoyment, and passion out of making love and creates the boredom, unfulfillment, and dissatisfaction she and her husband or partner may be experiencing.  I read that women don’t want to be touched because of the “fat rolls” on her stomach.

How do you help women who are ashamed of their bodies?  Here are some helpful tips:

• Think about your own body. Just this once, block out everything negative. Can you come up with a handful of things you love about your body?
• Don’t hold back. Don’t feel ashamed. Write down what you appreciate about your physical form. Come up with a list of what you love about your body. It doesn’t have to be perfect – just a part of you.

Tips for a Positive Body Image

In a world that is constantly showing you narrow definitions of beauty, how can you maintain a healthy body image? Here are some tips:

• Remember that health and appearance are two different things.
• Accept and value your genes — you probably inherited a lot of traits from your family members, so love those traits as you love your family.
• Keep a list of your positive qualities that have nothing to do with your appearance.
• Surround yourself with people who are supportive and who make you feel good about yourself.
• Treat your body with respect and kindness.

It was also suggested that women who find lovemaking uncomfortable with of their body images should try Tantric sex which will teach them how to become comfortable with themselves during lovemaking. This will enable them to have a spiritual sexual experience at the same time.

What role should the man play in helping the woman to overcome her dissatisfaction with her body?  Here are some tips from a man:

• Tell her what he loves about her.
• Assure her that his love for her has nothing to with her looks but who she is.  It was obvious that the women’s physical appearances did not affect the way their husbands felt about them.  They were on Dr. Oz’s show to support them.
• Let her know that he still finds her sexy
• Wine and dine her and treat her as he did before she had children.
• Make her feel special
• Compliment her and let her know that she looks good.
• Help her to get back into shape.
• Give her all the support, encouragement and assurance she needs.
• Make her understand that he would not leave the marriage because of the way she looks.
• Romance her
• Remind her of why he fell in love with her in the first place.

Women, I encourage you to believe what your husbands say and to do what you need to do to get back to the state where you feel comfortable about yourselves.

Sources:  http://indepthafrica.com/women/wellness/half-of-women-avoid-sex-with-partners-because-of-their-weight/

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/8234891/Women-feel-fat-when-they-look-in-the-mirror-no-matter-what-their-weight.html

http://womensissues.about.com/od/womensbodiesminds/qt/WomenLoveBodies.htm

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/body-image-23374.htm

http://www.relationship-with-self.com/makinglove.html