Getting Old

Age spots, skin tags

Fine lines and wrinkles

Dull, thinning hair

Sags and bags

Wimpy brows and lashes

Turkey neck

The softness was gone

The face looked familiar and yet…

With a jolt she turned away from the mirror

Where had all the years gone?

When had she lost her youth?

It seemed to happen overnight

Not so long ago she was in her twenties

And now, she was in her fifties.

Where had those thirty years gone?

Before she looked ahead and now…

She was looking back

Life seemed to be in a hurry now

She wanted it to slow down, slow down

Then these words came to her,

“Wisdom belongs to the aged,
and understanding to the old”

She turned back to the mirror and smiled

Being old wasn’t such a bad thing and she was blessed.

                      

o-OLDER-WOMAN-LOOKING-IN-MIRROR-facebook        

Sources:  Health.com; Blue Letter Bible

Keeping Up Appearances

They had been together for twenty years.  The first ten had been relatively happy but after the loss of their child, their marriage started to crumble.  They went for counseling and things improved but only for a while.  They tried unsuccessfully to have other children.  They thought of adopting but decided not to.  The wait period was too long.

They thought of going for more counseling but felt too embarrassed to do so.  At church they acted like there was nothing wrong with their marriage.  When people looked at them, they saw a couple who were still going strong in spite of their loss.  They didn’t see the pain that was beneath the surface as Sarah watched other mothers holding their children or as husbands put their arms around their wives, their faces reflecting the love in their hearts.  All they saw was the artificial smile on her face when she and Bill walked through the front door of the church and were greeted by the elders at the entrance to the sanctuary.  No one knew the turmoil that had become a daily part of her life.

How much longer could she continue with this charade?  She wanted a real marriage not an artificial one.  She was tired of keeping up appearances.  Either they were going to make this marriage work again or they were going to call it quits.  The latter terrified her.  She couldn’t imagine being on her own again after being with Bill for twenty years.  The idea of starting all over again at the age of forty-nine was daunting.  She thought of what the people in church was say if she and Bill were to split up.  Neither of them had committed adultery so, why end their marriage?  Why not get counseling?  Why not try to work things out?  In their eyes, she and Bill had no grounds for divorce.  And what if they decided that they wanted to end their marriage and then, later on down the road, one of them decided that they wanted to get married again?

The words of Jesus came flooding through her mind, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.  And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11, 12).  She didn’t want to be labelled an adulteress should she decide that she wanted to find happiness with someone else. 

Should she do as her mother did?  Her parents’ marriage was not a happy one yet they stayed together.  There had never been any divorce in the family and they didn’t want to break that tradition.  She had watched how miserable they both were, the love between them fade until it was gone.  All the while, they pretended that things were fine between them when they were around friends, other family members and in church.  Only she and her brother knew that it was all a charade, that their marriage was artificial.  She didn’t want that for herself.  She didn’t want to pretend like her parents did. She saw what years of pretending had done to them.  It wasn’t until after her father’s death, that her mother started to live again.  The spark was back in her eyes.  She never remarried but she lived the rest of her life in content.

Sarah had vowed that she would never go through what her parents did and yet, here she was, twenty years later facing a tough choice about her marriage.  What should she do?  Divorce Bill and be happy or stay with him and be miserable?  Getting up from the bed, she knelt down beside it, her head bowed and her hands tightly clasped.  “Lord, please tell me what to do.  I love Bill but we are no longer happy together.  I don’t want us to continue to live like this.  I know you hate divorce and I never imagined that our marriage would end like this but I know that you want us to be happy even if it means that we can’t be happy with each other.  Please help me to make the best choice.  Please…”

The tears started to fall so she reached over to grab a handful of tissues from the box and something fell on the carpet.  She picked it up.  It was last week’s church bulletin.  She had left it on the bedside table, meaning to read it when she had the time.  She turned it over and her eyes fell on an announcement.  It read:

Courageous Hearts

The pace and pressures of life place enormous strains on a marriage. Couples often find themselves merely coexisting. They share the same house and split the bills, but that’s about it. Courageous Hearts helps couples rebuild vital connections in their marriage through clear communication and healthy ways of resolving conflicts.

Our Courageous Hearts Retreat is designed to restore communication and rekindle affection encouraging you to have a healthy Christian marriage.

Listed below the announcement were the dates of the retreat and a phone number. She got up from the floor and left the room, holding the bulletin, her mind racing.  That evening after dinner, Bill sat next to her on the sofa.  “Morris gave me this” he said, handing her a small card.  Morris was their next door neighbor and an elder in their church.  She took it and glanced down at it, her eyes widening.  It was the same announcement that was in the bulletin.  She looked up at him and asked, “Do you think we should go?”

He nodded.  “I am willing to give our marriage another try, if you are.”

“I am.”  It was worth another try.  She felt that this was what God wanted and she trusted Him to know what was best for Bill and her.  She had heard of marriages almost on the brink of divorce being restored because of one of these retreats. Perhaps, the same miracle could happen for Bill and her.   After all, with God anything was possible…

unhappy-couple-413919

Bad Posture

Growing up my mother always used to say to me, “Hold up your back” because I slouched.  You would think that going to ballet classes would have helped.  It didn’t.  Years later I was still slouching or hunched over my keyboard as I was typing.   My fiance used to be on my case.  He scolded me every time he saw me slouching.   He said that I had a muscle in the middle of my back which should not be there.  And it’s no wonder that I have back problems. 

Well, my back problem didn’t actually start because of my slouching.  It happened one summer when I was in London with my mother.  I was going down or up some steps (I can’t remember which) and I stumbled.  I reached down and tried to break my fall.  I must have done something to my back because it hurt so much that we had to go into a church so that I can sit down and rest.  I should have had it checked then.

After that incident, my back ached periodically when I stood too long or when I went shopping.  It felt as if a weight was pressing into it.  I had my doctor check it and there wasn’t anything wrong–that he could find.  It has gotten better now.  It aches now and then. 

Last night I thought about what bad posture does to women and decided that I would find out. 

Bad posture creates a number of conditions that result from pulling on neck, shoulder and back muscles. The downward motion created from poor posture pulls throat, abdominal and even leg muscles. Good posture that aligns the shoulders with the hips minimizes stress on the joints and connective tissues in the legs and hips and enables the body to operate at maximum efficiency. 

Bad posture not only creates a poor silhouette, it can cause additional problems such as back pain, headaches and TMJ disorder. Temporomandibular joint and muscle disorder, also called TMJ, is a condition that causes pain in the jaw. Chiropractors at Chiroeco report that poor posture can lead to a hunched back and create breathing difficulties since the diaphragm doesn’t have enough room to expand. Muscles that tire easily from supporting the back can lead to increased fatigue. Additionally, poor posture makes women look older (http://www.livestrong.com/article/90412-bad-posture-women/#ixzz1F08TGdny).

These are the problems.  Now what are the solutions? I came across another website which tells you in detail how to correct your posture.  It gives you a test to figure out if you have a good posture.  How you stand, sleep, sit is very important.  Read more http://www.elegantwoman.org/correcting-bad-posture.html

Ladies, it’s time for us to stop slouching and to stand tall.  Not only would this be good for our posture but also for our health.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Earlier this month when I was reading about African American women who made a difference so that I could feature them in the special issue of Notes to Women newsletter, one name kept popping up–Eleanor Roosevelt.  I promised myself that I would do a little writeup on her.  And here we are.

“Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home – so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person; the neighborhood he lives in; the school or college he attends; the factory, farm, or office where he works. Such are the places where every man, woman, and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Without concerted citizen action to uphold them close to home, we shall look in vain for progress in the larger world” (http://www.udhr.org/history/biographies/bioer.htm).

She basically believed that charity begins at home.  And she reminds me of something a friend once said to me.  “The difficulty in following Jesus’ command is that we often pick and choose who we decide is our neighbour. We see our neighbour as the starving, AIDS infected person in the Third World or the orphan in a war torn country, needing our love and care but often perceive the homeless in our community as undeserving of our love.”

Eleanor’s childhood was a dreadfully unhappy one.  Her father was an alcoholic who was disowned by his family. Her mother, renowned for her beauty, was distant from her daughter whom she nicknamed “Granny” because she seemed to her old-fashioned. After Anna Roosevelt died of diphtheria in 1892, Eleanor, age eight, was raised by her maternal grandmother. She rarely saw her father thereafter, and he died of drink in 1894 when she was ten. These traumatic experiences affected Eleanor for life and she would harbor a constant yearning for unconditional love (http://www.lkwdpl.org/wihohio/roos-elex.htm). 

Life didn’t improve much when when Eleanor married Franklin, a distant cousin and they had six children.  Eleanor had to deal with her overbearing mother-in-law who apparently told her grandchildren that their mother only bore them.  She tried to control Eleanor, making her daughter-in-law feel utterly dependent.  

Then Eleanor found out that Franklin was having an affair with Lucy Mercer, her secretary.  She offered him a divorce, but he declined for the sake of his political career and because his mother threatened to disinherit him if he did.  He and Eleanor never shared a bedroom after that, but their working relationship was respectful, for the time (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FranklinDRoosevelt).

Eleanor Roosevelt was the first First Lady to be more politically active, involving herself in causes like Civil Rights.  Perhaps it was because there was lack of charity in her own home that made Eleanor want to reach out to her community.   From early adulthood Eleanor Roosevelt dedicated herself to liberty, justice, and compassion for all.

Racial injustice came to her attention only after she reached the White House.   By that time, she was already active in promoting other groups’ causes. Before she married Franklin Delano Roosevelt in 1905, she worked with the immigrants at the Rivington Street Settlement House. During World War I she helped improve conditions for US servicemen.When Franklin fell ill, leaving him crippled, she once again found herself standing up for someone whose value to society was doubted, this time her own husband. The 1921 experience deepened her concern for society’s unaccepted. Later the same decade she began her work promoting women’s causes. Women had just gained the right to vote, and Eleanor encouraged them to make the most of that right and run for office. 

After leaving the White House, Mrs. Roosevelt found herself more free than ever to promote equal rights for African Americans. During her final years she continued fighting as hard and fearlessly as ever. On at least one occassion, the Secret Service warned her not to keep a speaking engagement on civil disobedience. The Ku Klux Klan had put a price on her head and the Secret Service said they could not guarantee her safety. Undeterred, she traveled with another lady and her revolver. Such was her determination, independence, and courage right up to the year she died.

Mrs. Roosevelt was not always successful, even despairing at times of making any progress at all. And not every one of the causes she championed, such as the United Nations, turned out to be all that she hoped. But she used every ounce of her influence, charisma, and political capital for the causes in which she believed. Right or wrong, she fought zealously and courageously, and in most cases the world is a better place because of those fights. This zealous First Lady’s support moved African Americans’ cause ahead by decades
 (http://www.blackhistoryreview.com/biography/ERoosevelt.php).

Eleanor Roosevelt came a long way from being an unhappy child and dependent woman to becoming a champion for women’s and civil rights.  She was committed to what she believed in.  

Be inspired by this remarkable woman who endured so much but in the end gave so much because she cared about the rights of others. 

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one

Eleanor Roosevelt

God’s Word is Sure

For the vision is yet for an appointed time;  But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry (Habbabuk 2:3).

We can trust God’s word.  No matter how long it may take, in His good time, it will come to pass.  God promised Abraham and Sarah that they would have a son.  It took it years and years.  It took so long that Sarah decided to speed things up.  She made her own plans for a child by involving her maid Hagar.  Of course, things did not work out.  Hagar ended up leaving and Sarah was back to square one.  God again told Abraham that he would have a son but this time, He made it clear that the child would be with Sarah.  And at the appointed time, God’s word came to pass and Sarah was gave birth to a son.  God’s vision for Sarah tarried but it came at the right time.  Sarah had a child in her old age, proving that nothing is impossible with God.

Joseph had to wait more than two years for his dreams to come to pass.  During that time, he was sold to into slavery; was falsely accused of attempted rape and sent to prison.  He spent two years in jail before his life changed for the better. 

Simeon waited a long time to see God’s Savior and it was revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not see death before he had seen the Lord’s Christ.  One day, he received word from the Holy Spirit that the Child was in the temple.  Simeon held Him in his arms and said, “Lord, now You are letting Your servant depart in peace, According to Your word;  For my eyes have seen Your salvation Which You have prepared before the face of all peoples, A light to bring revelation to the Gentiles, And the glory of Your people Israel” (Luke 2:29-32).

Jesus promised that He would return one day.  He said, “In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also” (John 14:2, 3).  We know that we can trust Him.  If He says He will come back, we can be absolutely sure that He will.  We don’t know when He will come.  Only the Father knows but we know that just as He sent His Son here at the appointed time to save us, He will send Him at the appointed time to take us home.  In His Word, He promised, “For yet a little while, And He who is coming will come and will not tarry (Hebrews 10:37).