If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind – Shannon L. Adler
I thought that when George and I tied the knot twenty years ago, it was for keeps. Was I naive or blinded by love? I didn’t want to end up like my grandparents and parents whose marriages ended in divorce. As an only child and grandchild, I wanted to be the exception. I wanted my marriage to last until either George or I died. We were happy. We loved each other. We had so many wonderful plans for our future and our marriage. Before having kids, we traveled.
Unfortunately, three kids later, I found out that George was having an affair and when I confronted him, he didn’t deny it. He told me that he wanted a divorce. The word was a like a punch in the stomach. I never thought I would hear it. I stood there stunned as my whole world crashed down around me. This can’t be happening, I told myself but it was. The pain I felt and the expression on his face told me that it this wasn’t a horrible nightmare. It was really happening.
I pleaded with him not to end our marriage for my sake and the kids’. I told him that we could go for counseling. I was desperate. I was willing to forgive him for his infidelity although it hurt. But he was adamant. He wanted a divorce. Our marriage was over. He wanted to leave me for her. Then, he went upstairs and packed a suitcase.
I was served with divorce papers. The finality hit me and I broke down. My marriage was over. My husband whom I thought I would grow old with had left me for a woman half his age. I hated her. She had wrecked my marriage and my home. For years I was filled with bitterness and anger toward George and her. I longed to make them suffer for what they had done to me. I fought to prevent him from seeing our kids because I didn’t want them around her. I didn’t realize how my behavior was affecting them until my daughter became withdrawn and my son was hanging out more at this best friend’s house. Overcome with guilt and regret, I sobbed as I apologized to them and promised that I would get professional help. I kept my promise and went for counseling.
One of my friends who also went through a divorce lent me a copy of the book, The Divorce Recovery Workbook which she said helped her. I’m reading it. And I’m taking one day at a time. I’ve let go of my anger and all the toxic emotions that have held me prisoner, ruining my relationship with my kids. They are doing fine now. I let them sleep over at their father’s place when they want to. I’m civil to him whenever we speak and I don’t hate his new wife any more. I’ve learned, although it hasn’t been easy, to let go and to move on. Life is too short and I want my kids to be happy.
“When people divorce, it’s always such a tragedy. At the same time, if people stay together it can be even worse” – Monica Bellucci
This was written for the Ragtag Daily Prompt for today’s prompt, Knot. If you’re interested in participating, click HERE for more information.
Source: Elite Magazine