Embittered

Photo by Akshata Ram

She sat at the window looking down at the playground where she used to go with her kids until that fateful afternoon when she was shot trying to hustle them away after learning that there was an armed suspect in the vicinity.  Her fingers gripped the handles of her wheelchair as hatred welled up inside her.  Whenever the pastor and church members visited her, they always quoted:  “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.”

How could I forgive him? How could I forgive the person who robbed me of the use of my legs?  I’m useless to my husband and my kids.  I’m stuck in this contraption for the rest of my life.  No, I won’t forgive him. 

The door suddenly opened and her neighbor walked in.  “He’s dead!” she announced.

“Who?”

“The guy who shot you.”

The man who put me in this wheelchair is dead.  Why then do I feel regret instead of relief?

 

173 Words

This was written for Flash Fiction for Aspiring Writers hosted by Priceless Joy and Joe. For more information visit Here.  To read other stories based on this week’s prompt, visit Here.

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The Right Moment

Zahara sat in the library with text books and papers spread out on the table in front of her but she couldn’t concentrate.  She was thinking about Kyle and what happened last night.  After making love, and as they lay there, spent, she said, “I love you.”  The silence which followed that declaration made her wonder if it had been premature and she wished she could take the words back.

They lay there for a while, neither saying anything until he suggested, “Let’s take a nice hot shower together and then watch a movie.”  Before he rolled on to his side to climb out of the bed, he lowered his head and kissed her on the forehead.  Bummer, she thought, turning her head away so that he wouldn’t see the disappointment on her face.   She lay there for a few minutes longer before dragging herself out of the bed and joining him in the shower.  As they stood underneath the water, he bent his head and kissed her by the eye which felt very strange.

After they finished showering, he gave her one of his robes to wear and they relaxed on the sofa, sipping hot chocolate as they watched a movie.  It was some time later when they got dressed and he took her home.   She went straight to bed but lay there for a long time, staring up at the ceiling and wondering why he hadn’t told her that he loved her too.  Was it because he didn’t?  Did her profession of love put him in a spot?  She could still recall the silence which followed and how she wished the ground would open up and swallow her.  They had been dating for almost a year so she thought that it was time for them to drop the L-word.  Clearly, she was wrong.

Tears pricked her eyes and rolled on to her stomach so that she could bury her face in the pillow.  What was she going to do if it turned out that Kyle didn’t love her?  It was not until after one in the morning that she finally fell asleep and it was fitful.  When she got up later to get ready for college, she was very tired.  On the train ride she leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes all the way to her stop.  Before she walked to the campus, she grabbed herself a coffee.

As she sat there now in the library, she asked herself the same question.  What if he never said, “I love you” to her?  What then?  Should she end the relationship?  She couldn’t bear the thought of not being with him so she dismissed the idea of breaking up with him.  So what if he didn’t say the words she wanted so much to hear?  What about his actions?  Didn’t they speak louder than words?  She had read some where that you could tell when a guy was really into you.  She could still remember the five signs and Kyle had shown all of them.

She was a priority in his life.  He was always taking time to catch up with her and spend time together, sometimes, he even blew off friends and family just to be with her.  He was always talking about the future, using the words, “we” and “us”.  He had no problem showing public display of affection like holding her hand and placing his hand at the lower part of her back.  He actually listened to her talk about her day and whenever she had a crappy one, he always found some way to help her to feel better.  And so far she had met most of his relatives.  Just recently, they went to his cousin’s wedding.

If he loved her why couldn’t he just say so?  Frustrated, she gathered her books and papers and stuffed them in her bag.  She walked out of the library and out of the building.   She sat on the concrete slab attached to the statue of Ezra Cornell and reaching into her bag, she took out her cell phone.  She dialed Farrah’s number.  Farrah was the friend who had introduced her to Kyle.

When her friend answered, Zahara told her everything.  “I’m so confused,” she concluded.  “I want to believe that he loves me but after what happened last night, I’m not sure.”

“Anyone can see that Kyle is crazy about you, Zee.  Don’t jump to conclusions because he hasn’t told you that he loves you.  Maybe he’s better at expressing his feelings through actions rather than words.  Instead of telling you that he loves you, he’s showing you.  Sometimes love expressed is better than love professed.  Don’t get so hung up on this that you end up ruining a good thing.  Be thankful that you have a man who loves in action.   I know women who would love to trade places with you.  Kyle is a terrific guy.  Don’t throw away what you have with him over something as trivial as this.  Remember men and women are different.  We can’t expect them to do things the same way we do.”

Zahara sighed.  “Thanks, Farrah.  I’m glad I called you.  You’ve given me a lot to think about.  I love Kyle and I don’t want to lose him.  I will stop stressing out over this and just concentrate on loving him.”

“The love is there but he’s not ready to say it as yet.  And there was nothing wrong with you saying ‘I love you’ to him.  You couldn’t contain your feelings and wanted to express them in words.  So, don’t beat yourself up for doing that because he didn’t respond the same way.  Your timing is not his.  Be patient.  Be willing to wait until he he is ready to say that he loves you.”

“I will,” she promised.  And she did.  She didn’t obsess any more over Kyle not saying “I love you.”  She just focused on being with him and doing fun things with him.  And on the day of her graduation she walked proudly up on the stadium to get her diploma, grinning from ear to ear as she saw him taking pictures.  Afterwards, they went to his place to celebrate.  It was while they were curled up on the sofa, that he told her that he was taking her to Paris for two weeks. “It’s my graduation present to you,” he murmured huskily.

She was thrilled because she had never been to Europe.  Her eyes sparkled.  “Thank you, Kyle,” she said before she kissed him.

Paris was everything she had imagined and much more.  She felt like Alice in Wonderland.  Her eyes drank in everything as they went sightseeing and the food was so good.  She loved the little cafes and the cobbled streets.  One evening after dinner, they went for a walk along the Seine river where they lingered for a while. It was a beautiful evening.  The sun was beginning to set.  He took photos of her backing the Seine river before they headed for the Eiffel Tower which loomed ahead.

Taking her hands he drew her closer to him, his eyes intent on upturned face as he said, “The first time I saw you my heart stopped, the world stopped and there were just you and me in the room.    I couldn’t take my eyes off you and when Farrah introduced us, I was tongue tied and nervous.  I wanted to so much to spend the night talking to you and getting to know you but I couldn’t ignore our age difference.  You didn’t look a day over twenty and I was thirty-six.  You were a university student and I was the Director of a company.  And I was in a relationship.  Yet, in spite of these complications, I just couldn’t get you out of my mind.  I ended my relationship and I asked Farrah for your number and here we are.”

“The first time I saw you I didn’t think that a man like you would even notice me.  I stood there, watching you, hoping and praying for the impossible.”

“How could I not notice you?  When I saw you standing there alone, watching me, I fell hard and it scared me.  I had heard about love at first sight but never thought it would happen to me.”

Zahara’s eyes widened and her heart began to race.  “Are you saying that you love me?”

“Yes, Zahara.  I love you.  I have wanted to tell you that for such a long time but the moment never seemed right.  I didn’t want to say it before we became sexually involved because I didn’t want you to think that I was saying it to get you to sleep with me.  I didn’t want to say it during our love making because I didn’t want you to think that it was in the heat of the moment.  That evening when you said you loved me, you have no idea how much I wanted to say it to you but the time didn’t feel right.”

“I was so embarrassed and confused.”

“I’m so sorry, Honey.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.  I just wanted to wait for the right moment to tell you what I’ve wanted to tell you since we met.”

She smiled up at him.  “What could be a more perfect moment than this one?  We’re standing in front of the Eiffel Tower when you finally say the three words I have been longing to hear.”

They kissed and then he gently extricated himself from her.  He reached into the pocket of his jacket and got down on one knee.  “This is also the perfect moment for me to ask you a very important question,” he said, presenting a small red box.  Her eyes brimmed with tears as she saw him take out an exquisite diamond ring which glittered in the setting sun.  “Zahara, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” she managed to say as she was choked up, the tears now streaming down her face.

Kyle stood up and cupping her face, he kissed her for several minutes before he buried his face in her neck and whispered, “I love you.”

Don’t wait for the right moment. Create it – Boldomatic

 

Sources:  Eskimi;  Her Campus; Your Tango; Michael Hyatt

Sing to the Lord

Shout joyfully to the LORD, all the earth; Break forth in song, rejoice, and sing praises – Psalm 98:4

Praising God is something that should be as natural as breathing.  It’s hard to do so, however, when facing trials, problems or challenges, but that is the time when we really need to do it.  I have had an experience when I was feeling down about something and it came to me, no doubt it was the Holy Spirit’s prompting, that instead of focusing on what I was going through, to focus on God instead.  So, I began to praise Him.  I began to sing songs of praise to Him and after a while, I felt so light and upbeat.  The problem which had seemed like a mountain became minuscule until with God’s help, I was able to resolve it.

The apostle Paul is a good example of someone who praised God regardless of what the circumstances were.  Who could forget when Silas and he were in jail and instead of suffering in silence, they began to sing?  Acts 16:25 says But at midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them.  God used that moment as an opportunity to reveal Himself.

Suddenly, there was an earthquake, shaking the foundations of the prison and the doors to the jail cells were opened and the chains broken, the prisoners could have escaped but no one moved.  The jailer thought that they had broken out and was about to take his life out of fear of reprisal but Paul assured him that all of the prisoners were there.  And that led the jailer to ask the question, “Sirs, what must I do to be saved?” (Verse 30).  God used Paul’s and Silas’ attitude toward their circumstances to bring about the salvation of the jailer and his family.  And who knows if any of the other prisoners didn’t change too as a result of what they heard and witnessed.

How we deal with adversity will not only affect us but those around us.  Instead of looking down or around, we look up and whatever song the Holy Spirit, our Comforter, puts in our hearts, we lift our voices and sing to our God, Who “is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).  It will lift our burdens up to Him and bring His comfort down to us.

The Nursing Home

It was Saturday morning and Andrea was at the nursing home visiting Mrs. Alvarez, dear woman whom she met through her grandmother.  After her grandmother passed away, Andrea continued to visit Mrs. Alvarez who was always delighted to see her.  She was in a wheelchair and although she was ninety years old, her mind was a sharp as ever.  She reminisced a lot about her life in Buenos Aires and was always telling Andrea, to “go and visit.  You will fall in love with it.”

Mrs. Alvarez moved with her family to Canada when she was a teenager.  She went to University of Toronto where she met her future husband, Miguel. Miguel was from Madrid.  After dating for six months, they got married.  A year later, they had Mateo and then, three years later, Isabella.  Isabella now lived in New York with her husband and their three children while Mateo was here in Toronto.  He was still single.

It was four years ago when Andrea met Mateo the first time.  She and her grandmother were in the courtyard enjoying the lovely weather when Mrs. Alvarez joined them.  Mateo was pushing her wheelchair.   Mrs.  Alvarez introduced him to them, her face beaming.   Andrea smiled at him and when he reached over and shook her hand, they eyes met and held for several minutes.  He didn’t say much but was very pleasant and Andrea warmed to him immediately.

Since that first meeting, they  had been seeing each other at the nursing home. Sometimes she would still be there when he visited and she would observe him with his mother.   His attentiveness toward the elderly woman was so endearing.  He was a bit reserved, not much of a conversationalist but he was very knowledgeable and she found herself enthralled any time he said something.  His mother doted on him. They were very close.

“Mateo will be stopping by this afternoon as usual,” Mrs. Alvarez said now, interrupting her reverie.  “I will be sure to give him the slice of this lovely cake you baked.”  She was still eating her slice, clearly enjoying every morsel.  The crumbs fell on the napkin spread neatly in her lap.  “I used to love baking.  Miguel was always complimenting me on my baking.  He particularly loved my lemon squares.  And Mateo, he loved my banana cake.  Sometimes, I baked Argentine sweets and desserts like Arroz con leche which is a rice pudding and Cubanitos which were chocolate covered biscuit rolls.  Yes, the kitchen always smelled of baking.”

Andrea smiled.  Mrs. Alvarez was always going off on a tangent.  She had grown to love this dear lady and cherished their time together.

“My son loves you, Andrea,” she said suddenly, startling her.  “Yes, I can tell just from the way he looks at you.”

Andrea sighed.  “Then why has his behavior toward me changed?”  Lately, he seemed distant with her and whenever he showed up and his mother was not in the room, he would make some excuse and leave.  It was as if he didn’t want to be alone with her.  Once when they were alone, she reached out and touched his arm, he pulled it away as if she had burned him, his expression darkening.  He mumbled something and left the room, leaving her standing there, hurt and bewildered.  The next time she visited his mother, she told her about it and the old lady didn’t seem at all surprised.

“He thinks you’re too young for him,” she said now.

Andrea looked at her in frustration.  “I’m not that much younger than him,” she protested.  “I love him, Mrs. Alvarez.  I want to be with him.”

Mrs. Alvarez smiled.  “I know, Querida.  Don’t give up.  When two people are meant for each other, things will work out.”

Andrea stood up.  “I have to go now,” she said reluctantly.  “I am sorry that I didn’t get to see Mateo this time.  I was in the area and thought I would visit you earlier than usual.  Please say hello to him for me.”  She pulled on her jacket and her satchel.  She went over to Mrs. Alvarez who had by now finished her slice of cake and took up the napkin which she tossed in the garbage bin.  Then, she hugged the woman and kissed her on the cheek.  “I’ll come by again during the week.  Enjoy the rest of your afternoon.”

Mrs. Alvarez patted her on the shoulder.  “You too, Querida.”

Andrea left the room and the nursing home.  She walked out to the bus-stop and waited for the bus to take her to the subway station.  As she sat on the bus, all she could think about was Mateo and how much she wished he would stop running away from his feelings.  She had half a mind to go over to his place now and confront him.  She glanced at her watch.  It was twelve-thirty.  He usually visited his mother around four.   She would be at his condo in about half-hour.  Yes, she made up her mind to go there and face him.  Her heart somersaulted at the thought.

Thirty five minutes later she stood outside of his door, nervous but determined. Taking a deep breath, she rang the doorbell, praying that he was home.  A sense of relief washed over her when she heard the lock slide back and the door opened. Mateo stood there.  A tentative smile touched her lips and then it faded when she saw the expression on his face.  “What are you doing here?” he asked.

“May I come in?” She didn’t want to have this conversation in the hallway.

He moved aside to let her go in.  After closing the door and locking it, he turned to her, his eyes wary as they met hers.  “Why did you come?”

“I needed to see you,” she said.  “Why are you so cold towards me, Mateo?”

He muttered something in Spanish and raked his fingers through his hair.  “Cold towards you?” he exclaimed, his expression darkening.  “When it comes to my feelings for you, cold isn’t the word I would use.”

“You’ve been distant with me lately and avoiding me.  I want to know why.”

“You want to know why I’m acting the way I am.  It’s simple.  You’re twenty-eight and I’m forty-three.”

“What does age have to do with anything?”

“For me it has to do with everything.”

“So, you are saying that you would rather see me with someone closer to my age?”

He closed his eyes then and a pained expression came over his face.  “It would kill me to see you with someone else,” he muttered tightly.

She took a step toward him.  “Mateo, I don’t want to be with anyone else.  I want to be with you because I love you.”

He opened his eyes, raw with the unbridled passion that shone in them.  Reaching for her, he pulled her roughly against him, making her gasp.  “Yo también te amo!  I love you too,” he groaned before he bent his head and kissed her.  She dropped her bag and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him back wildly.

For a long time, they stood there, exchanging passionate kisses until he raised his head and whispered, “Spend the rest of the afternoon with me.  I’ll call Mother and let her know that I will stop by and see her tomorrow.  I don’t think she would mind when I tell her that you’re here.”

Andrea smiled.  “I think you’re right.”

 

 

Sources:  Wikipedia; Spanish Dict

The Good Soil

As she planted the bean seeds in the rich soil, she

thought of the parable Jesus told about the sower.

The sower was sowing seed which was the Word

of God.  The seed fell among different types of places/soil.

Which type of soil was she?  Was she the rocky soil

which represented those who hear the message, receive

it with joy but since they don’t have deep roots, they believe

for a while and then fall away when they face temptation?

 

Or was she the thorns which represented those who hear

the message, but the message is quickly crowded out by

the cares and riches and pleasures of this life. And so they

never grow into maturity?

 

Or was she the good soil which represented honest,

good-hearted people who hear God’s word, cling to

it, and patiently produce a huge harvest?

 

She did not believe that she was the wayside which

represented those who hear the message, only to have the

devil come and take it away from their hearts and prevent

them from believing and being saved.

 

Which soil was she?  There were times when she was

so busy that she didn’t have time to read her Bible

and most of the time she fell asleep while praying.

When things got tough or she was faced with

temptation, she vacillated between going to God

in prayer and trying to handle the problem on

her own.

 

Which soil was she?  She had her moments when

she talked about the Bible with those who cared

to listen.  Was she making a difference, though?

Were the seeds that she planted germinating

in that person’s life?  What about her own

spiritual growth?

 

She knew which soil she wanted to be but, first

she had to let the Word of God take root and

grow in her.  Only then could she bear good fruit.

 

 

Source:  Blue Letter Bible

Women’s Fellowship

Years ago, I was part of the Women’s Ministry at my church and one of the things I really liked about it was the fellowship.  We would hold programs like “Lunch and Learn” where women would come together at someone’s home and a pastor or a speaker is invited to share a profound message with us.  Then afterwards, we would enjoy a potluck while uplifting Gospel music played in the background.  I have enjoyed the Women’s Ministries’ yearly three day retreats where I was blessed with Friday night vespers, a Sabbath school program and worship on Saturday morning and workshops in the afternoon.  On Sunday we had breakfast and more workshops before we closed the wonderful three day event with prayer.  Women’s Ministries also offer seminars where women come together and share their testimonies.  It’s during these times when women dig into God’s Word, encourage, pray for and fellowship with each other.  Women’s Ministries have truly been a blessing for me and countless of women.

Can you imagine not having a Women’s Ministry or not being able to fellowship with other women?  Nor can I.  It would be hard for the thousands of women all across South Asia not to be able to attend a weekly Women’s Fellowship group.   Through this group, they learn God’s Word, memorize Scripture, pray, reach out and worship the God who reached out to them–Asia’s most unreached group.  God is working to change thousands of lives.

Many of us know what it’s like to fellowship with other believers and how being a part of a prayer group or Bible Study class has helped us in our spiritual growth.  Women in Asia need the same close fellowship as many of them come from families who don’t know Christ.  Wouldn’t it be great if they could find a fellowship group where they can pray and study God’s Word?  Well, you can help to make this possible.  How?  Through prayer.  Gospel for Asia has put together this list of prayer requests:

• Pray for Women’s Fellowship so that more women can be reached
• Pray for women to understand Christ’s love and acceptance
• Pray for more leaders
• Pray for transformation of lives and families
• Pray for God to empower women as they share
• Pray for the Women’s Health Project and the Women’s Literacy Program

Women’s Fellowships are usually led by a woman missionary, a pastor’s wife or a godly believer in the church.  A growing congregation needs someone to lead and mature women are best suited to teach the other women.    Their experience and wisdom will help to guide the younger women.

Likewise, older women should be reverent in behavior, and not be false accusers, not be enslaved to much wine, but teachers of good things, that they may teach the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,  and to be self-controlled, pure, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored – Titus 2:3-5.

As Christian women, we have duties towards each other.  So, let us encourage one another through prayers, ministries, Bible studies, fellowships and worship.

 

Source:  Gospel for Asia

When Sister Mary Prays

Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice – Psalm 55:17

Nothing is more powerful than prayer. Sister Mary knows that and that is why she is such a prayer warrior.  After meeting Jesus more than 10 years ago, Sister Mary has shared His love with her community by praying for the sick and suffering.  Sister Mary reminds me of Dorcas who showed the Lord’s love by sewing garments for widows in her community.  God uses humble people like Dorcas and Sister Mary to change lives.  He has used Sister Mary’s prayers to change hearts.  Watch this video to see what made a simple village woman become a powerful witness for God.

God can use you too to change lives.  There are so many people in the world who need our prayers but here is a list provided by Gospel for Asia to get you started:

Widows. The treatment of widows in South Asia is unimaginably horrific.
+ Abandoned Children. Countless children in Asia have been discarded and abused, but they are not forgotten.
+ Asia’s Youth. Did you know that 40 percent of India’s 1 billion people are under the age of 18?
+ National Missionaries. Everyday people who love the Lord and rely on Him for help as they give their lives to further God’s Kingdom.

Find out more ways to pray for South Asia at http://www.gfa.org/pray/people-ministries/

Blessed be God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble by the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God – 2 Corinthians 1:3, 4

Sister Mary knows what it is like to suffer and that is why she is telling the sick and the suffering how she personally experienced God’s power of healing.   Is there something that God has done in your life that you would like others to experience too?  Pray about it and watch God work in mighty ways.  Effective, persistent and faith driven prayers can move mountains.  When Sister Mary prays, God hears and He acts.  The same can happen for you.  Go before the throne of grace with your list and with thanksgiving, offer up your petitions and the God who is faithful will hear and attend to them.

For the eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their prayers – 1 Peter 3:12

 

Source:  Gospel for Asia