It Takes Courage

Waiting takes courage.  That’s what King David implied when he said, “Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!” (Psalm 27:14).

Waiting takes a lot of courage especially when you are tempted to act.  You want answers or results right away but God is telling you to wait.  You know from past experiences that waiting on God is always the best option but that doesn’t make it easy the next time you have to slow down or halt when you would rather go full steam ahead.

For eighty-five years Caleb waited to get possession of the land he was promised when he was forty-years old (Joshua 14:7-10).   During those forty years when he was forced to wander in the wilderness with the rest of Israel because of their rebelliousness but he didn’t lose heart.  He continued waiting for the day when they would enter the Promised Land, always trusting God.  He continued waiting until God fulfilled this promise, “But My servant Caleb, because he has a different spirit in him and has followed Me fully, I will bring into the land where he went, and his descendants shall inherit it” (Numbers 14:24).

Waiting for years to have a child and watching your chances grow slim as you get older is not easy.  Sarah longed to have a son but she was unable to conceive and after years of waiting to no avail, she concluded, “See now, the Lord has restrained me from bearing children” (Genesis 16:2).  She didn’t know at the time that God had plans for her to have a son but at the time of His choosing, not hers.  By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised (Genesis 21:2; Hebrews 11:11).

Waiting on God is never easy but it has its benefits.  It teaches us to be more patient, to persevere and it builds our faith.  Waiting teaches us to be more dependent on God and not in our own strength or wisdom.  Waiting is not something we do alone.  God is there with us, strengthening us.

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Wife Despises Husband

michal2I was reading the account of King David bringing the Ark of the Covenant into the city of Jerusalem and how this time the ark was carried the correct way by the Levites who had to sanctify themselves first.

It was a momentous occasion, the ark coming into the city of David.  The king was beside himself with joy.  While he was leading the procession, his wife Michal looked out of the window and saw him.  When she saw him leaping and whirling before the Lord, she was filled with contempt.  She despised him in her heart.  Why?

Unaware of the negative feelings he had stirred in his wife, David offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the Lord and when he was done, he blessed the people in Lord’s name. Then he distributed a loaf of bread, a piece of meat, and a cake of raisins to all of the people who happily departed to their homes.  Everyone was in a celebratory mood except Michal.

When David returned to bless his household, she came out to meet him.  I can just imagine the expression on her face. There was no warm welcome.  No embrace.  No hello kiss. Nothing except contempt.  Instead of a word of greeting, she weighed in on him, her voice dripping with sarcasm and distaste, ““How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maids of his servants, as one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!”  She was not only objecting to his dancing but to his dress.  He had set aside his royal robes and was a linen ephod.  Her remark implies that he was indecently dressed but according to 1 Chronicles 15:27, in addition to wearing the ephod, David was clothed in a fine linen robe like the Levites who carried the ark.  He was dressed for a very special occasion. 

In his defense, David’s responded, It was before the Lord, who chose me instead of your father and all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord, over Israel. Therefore I will play music before the Lord.  And I will be even more undignified than this, and will be humble in my own sight. But as for the maidservants of whom you have spoken, by them I will be held in honor.”

It’s safe to say that this marriage fell apart after this.  How could David respond to a wife who despised him for dancing before the Lord?  Perhaps David would have appreciated a wife like that of Phinehas, the son of the High priest Eli. She was devastated when her husband and his brother took the Ark and it was captured by the Philistines.  She declared in her distress, “The glory has departed from Israel, for the ark of God has been captured.”  She would have rejoiced when David returned with the ark.  The return of the ark seemed to be the last thing on Michal’s mind.

We learn that Michal never had children.  This probably means that David never had marital relations with her again.  She died a bitter and barren woman.

Do you think Michal had a legitimate reason for the way she felt towards David?  Was the way he was dressed the real reason for her resentment or was there something else?

Michal had once been deeply in love with David and had saved his life by helping him to escape from her father, Saul.  While David was in exile, Saul gave Michal in marriage to another man.  During those years of separation from David, Michal heard of his other wives and their children.  How she must have felt.  After years of waiting for him to come back and claim her, her hopes were dashed until her love for him began to turn to bitterness.

There is no indication that David loved Michal.  We only read that, “Michal Saul’s daughter loved him” (1 Samuel 18:20, 28).  It pleased David to be Saul’s son-in-law (verse 26) as opposed to be pleased that Michal was to be his wife.  And after Saul’s death, David went to claim her as his wife not because he loved her but because, “I was betrothed for one hundred Philistine foreskins.”  He still wanted to be the former king’s son-in-law and it didn’t matter that Michal was now married to Paltiel who loved her.  When she was taken from him, he went with her, weeping as he went, as far as Bahurim and then he was told to turn back.  Did Michael resent David for coming back into her life after so much time had passed and abusing his power as king to break up her marriage?  What about all those other wives he had?  What did he need with her now when he hadn’t bothered to come back for her when she desperately wanted him to?

Should David have tried to understand how Michal was feeling?  Should he have been more patient and sensitive?  After all she had been his first wife and now she was one of many.  I can sympathize with Michal.  When she rebuked him, what should David have done?  Should he have responded in anger?  Should he have said what he said?  What if he had said, “I was dancing before the Lord who has been gracious to me by appointing me rule over His people.”  He didn’t have to remind her that God had chosen him instead of her father.  He could have left out the part about being undignified and that he would rather have the female servants’ admiration than her respect.  What if he had said, “I’m sorry you thought I was acting shamelessly but I was dancing before the Lord with gladness because the ark of the Lord is with us.”  Perhaps this gentle response might have made a difference.  Perhaps not. 

Has your husband done something that rubbed you the wrong way?  Did it change the way you related to him or thought of him?  Did it make you lose your respect for him?  Did you ask yourself if you had good reasons for feeling this way?  If the answer is no, then let it go.  Remember the things about him that made you fall in love with him in the first place.  Ask God to help you to let go of the resentment and bitterness and all of the emotions that are preventing you from loving your husband.  If the answer is yes, then ask God to help you to work through this and to give your husband the support he needs.  He doesn’t need your condemnation.  He needs your love and forgiveness.  Give him time.  Give your marriage a chance to heal.

Morocco to change Rape Law

Imagine being forced to marry the man who raped you?  This was the horrible reality 16 year Amina Filali faced.  This drove Amina to take her own life.

In a variety of cultures, marriage after the fact has been treated historically as a “resolution” to the rape of an unmarried woman. Citing Biblical injunctions (particularly Exodus 22:16–17 and Deuteronomy 22:25–29), Calvinist Geneva permitted a single woman’s father to consent to her marriage to her rapist, after which the husband would have no right to divorce; the woman had no explicitly stated separate right to refuse. Among ancient cultures virginity was highly prized, and a woman who had been raped had little chance of marrying. These laws forced the rapist to provide for their victim.

There are two accounts of rape in the Bible that I will address here.  The first was of Dinah, the only daughter of the patriarch Jacob.  The man who raped her was Shechem.  We learn what happened in Genesis 34:

Now Dinah the daughter of Leah, whom she had borne to Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.  And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her and lay with her, and violated her. His soul was strongly attracted to Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the young woman and spoke kindly to the young woman. So Shechem spoke to his father Hamor, saying, “Get me this young woman as a wife.”

Shechem raped Dinah and then he wanted to marry her.  Dinah’s brothers were livid.  “The men were grieved and very angry, because he had done a disgraceful thing in Israel by lying with Jacob’s daughter, a thing which ought not to be done.”  Shechem’s father Hamor pleaded on his son’s behalf, asking Jacob to give Dinah to him as a wife.  And make marriages with us; give your daughters to us, and take our daughters to yourselves.   So you shall dwell with us, and the land shall be before you. Dwell and trade in it, and acquire possessions for yourselves in it.”  Surely Hamor was aware of what his son had done.  Wasn’t he disgraced by it?  Did he think that his son marrying the woman he raped would excuse what he had done?  And what about Dinah?  How would she have felt marrying the man who raped her?  Suffice to say, the marriage didn’t go through. Two of Dinah’s brothers killed Shechem, his father and all of the men in the city. We don’t hear about Dinah after this terrible chapter in her life but it is safe to say that she never got married.

Tamar was the daughter of King David.  Her half-brother Amnon lusted after her to the point where he couldn’t eat or sleep.  Finally, unable to bear it any longer, he dismissed all of the servants and got Tamar to come to his room on the pretense that he was ill.  She trustingly entered his room with the cakes she had made for him.  He took hold of her and he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.”

But she answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing! And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you.” However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her (2 Samuel 13:1-14).  After he raped her, Amnon chased her away even though she said to him, “No, indeed! This evil of sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me.” He had the servant throw her out and bolt the door.  Tamar was a virgin.  She went away crying bitterly.  She remained at her brother Absalom’s house.  Tamar didn’t go to her father to report what had happened.  And we can see why.  We learn that although King David was angry when he heard what Amnon had done to his half-sister, he did nothing.  Amnon was not punished for his crime.  Absalom took matters into his own hands and avenged his sister by murdering her rapist.

Rapists should not be allowed to marry their victims so that they could avoid jail time.  They committed a crime and should be punished according the law.  Victims should not be forced to marry the men who violated them.  What psychological damage could that do to a woman, especially a young woman like Amina?  She was forced to marry her rapist.  Such an arrangement was  unbearable for her.  After seven months of marriage, she saw no other way out except death.  Death was more preferable than staying married to Moustapha Fellak whom she accused of physical abuse.  It is a terrible shame that this young girl had to die in order for the Moroccan justice ministry to support a proposal to change the penal code.

Let us hope that other young girls will be saved from the same fate as Amina.  This is not just a women’s issue–it is human rights’ issue.  Everyone has a right to quality of life and to be protected from violent crimes.  Rape is a crime and should be treated as such.  Those who commit rape should be arrested, charged and sentenced.

It is sad that we live in a world where an unwed girl or woman who has lost her virginity is considered to have dishonored her family and deemed no longer suitable for marriage.  It doesn’t matter that she was raped.  Some families believe that marrying the rapist is the best alternative.  According to a BBC News, Amina’s mother told the Associated Press,  “I couldn’t allow my daughter to have no future and stay unmarried.”  It’s times like these when I am thankful that I am not a part of a culture where a young girl or woman doesn’t have the right to refuse to marry the man who raped her.  Keeping the family honor in tact even if it means that the guilty party will be a part of that family is more important than their daughter’s wellbeing.

Let’s continue to hope and pray that Morocco will change the law allowing rape marriages and to curb violence against women.  It’s time to take action, Morocco and prevent more  tragedies like the suicide of Amina.  It’s time for parents to stop forcing their daughters to marry their rapists out of fear they won’t be able to find husbands if it is known they were raped.   It’s time to protect the victims and stop allowing rapists to escape prosecution.  It’s time to rewrite the entire penal code to stop violence against women.  It’s time for change.

Open quoteIn Morocco, the law protects public morality but not the individual.Close quote

  • FOUZIA ASSOULI,
  • president of the Democratic League for Women’s Rights, on the suicide of a Moroccan teenager who was reportedly forced to marry her rapist

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/quotes/0,26174,2109097,00.html #ixzz2Mbyfl700

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Sources: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-21169923; http://www.forbes.com/sites/eliseknutsen/2013/02/04/after-girls-death-morocco-will-change-rape-laws/; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marital_rape; http://zeenews.india.com/news/world/morocco-to-change-law-allowing-rape-marriage_824656.html; http://www.violenceisnotourculture.org/News-and-Views/morocco-amina-filali-rape-survivor-commits-suicide-after-forced-marriage-rapist