She sat there, huddled in a corner of her room, hugging her Teddy, tears rolling down her cheeks. It was no use covering her ears. She could still hear the blows and her mother’s screams. Why did Daddy have to drink? Whenever he did, he hurt Mommy. Why didn’t someone stop Daddy from hurting Mommy? What would happen if she told somebody? Ineffable fear filled her. Daddy would get mad.
70 Words
November is Family Violence Prevention Month in Alberta, Canada.
What is family violence?
“Family violence is when a family member is threatening, controlling and abusive towards another family member.” It can happen between:
adults in a family – for example, between partners or spouses, between adult children and parents, or between extended family members
adults who used to be in a family – for example, between former partners or spouses.
Family violence is an umbrella term used to describe all the different types of violence that can happen in families.
Sadly, family violence is under reported because of the stigma associated with it. Young children may not report it because they are limited by the number of contacts outside of their family whom they feel safe confiding in. Maybe they feel that no one will believe them or that they would get into trouble if they say anything. Children should never be exposed to any type of violence or live in fear. The home should be a safe and loving environment for them.
Family violence hurts everyone. What is being done about it? Community Initiatives against Family Violence (CIAFV) member agencies are helping families by, “providing assistance in areas such as housing, transportation, counselling, advocacy, employment and safety planning, CIAFV member agencies provide essential services to families experiencing family violence, which greatly increase the chances of people experiencing abuse and their families moving forward into safer, healthier lives. Friends and family members of people experiencing family violence can often feel helpless. A supportive, non-judgemental listening ear and a commitment to always be there are often the best ways to help.”
I encourage you to read as much information as possible about Family Violence and see what you can do to help.
Family violence is a public health issue, a criminal justice issue, and a human rights issue. Family Violence Hurts! Speak Up! – Stop Family Violence
I learned today that March is Women’s History Month and it is a celebration of women’s contributions to society. Before Women’s History Month, there was Women’s History Week, the birth child of the school district of Sonoma, California which participated in Women’s History Week, an event designed around the week of March 8 (International Women’s Day). From 1978 to 1979, the idea to secure a National Women’s History Week lay incubated until February 1980 when it was born, thanks to President Jimmy Carter who issued a presidential proclamation declaring the week of March 8, 1980, as National Women’s History Week.
This year marks the 30th anniversary of the law which was passed making March Women’s History Month in the United States. This year’s theme is “Nevertheless, She Persisted: Honoring Women Who Fight All Forms of Discrimination against Women.” What a great theme. Like warriors facing bitter battles with ferocious armies, women face societies, communities, institutions and governments that would deny them their rights. Nevertheless, like phoenix rising from the ashes, women all around world are rising up, joining together and fighting for what they believe in. Their voices are raised in unison, refusing to be silenced, in spite of the draw backs they face. Silence is not golden. Using one’s voice to be heard is golden.
Throughout history, women have had dreams, hopes, plans and visions which they had to fight hard to realize. No amount of discouragement, obstacles, nay-saying, discrimination or opposition could quell those dreams, hopes, plans, visions which had taken shape. Women clung to their faith that one day they would be able to vote, own businesses, own homes, land, get an education, work in jobs and play in sports that were predominantly male oriented. They had to have the courage and the faith to step out, speak up and conquer a world that had long denied them and still does in some cultures, equality, recognition for their accomplishments and basic human rights.
However, despite the strides women have made in their fight for human rights, they still face mountains like human trafficking, modern slavery which target young girls, child marriage, FGM, access to safe water, realizing their self worth and potential in societies which favor boys over girls, pay equity, access to safe water and quality education. Just this month, the organization, Freedom United is calling for action for the following campaigns:
The fight to end modern slavery today in order to help girls like Phoebe, forced into the commercial sex trade at just 15 years old. Women and girls make up 71% of all modern slavery victims.
These girls should be in school getting quality education so that they would have a bright future. Sex should not something that they engage in until they are adults and married. Sex came from God was never meant to be exploited or forced on anyone. It was meant to be a physical and emotional expression of a husband’s and wife’s love for each other.
Momentum is growing to repeal laws that enable convicted rapists to marry their victims to avoid punishment. As well as the horrors endured by victims, this law means many women and girls where these laws exist are then forced into marriage against their will.
Marriage was meant to be between a man and a woman not a man and a child. And any law which allows a rapist to marry his victim to escape justice, should be done away with. It is a disgrace to human decency and dignity and it violates the victim’s rights. Marriage is a holy institution and is meant to be entered into with the consent of both the man and the woman.
Three-quarters of girls in Niger are married before they are adults. Child marriage often amounts to slavery, for example, when girls have not given their free and full consent, are subjected to control, exploited and unable to leave, so outlawing it is an important step towards protecting Niger children.
Imagine you have a young daughter and that a Nigerian girl her age is being married off to an older man. At the age of twenty, Fati Yahaya has been married twice, divorced once, suffered a postpartum hemorrhage after giving birth to her first child. I didn’t have a child until I was 41 years old! It’s so hard to fathom a young girl going through two marriages, one divorce and suffering excessive blessing following the birth of her first child. I don’t know how many children she had afterwards or if she suffered any more hemorrhages. And I can’t imagine giving my consent to have my daughter marry at the age of consent which is 15 or even younger when she should be in school. I can’t imagine subjecting her to a life of “abuse and unrealized potential”.
The last place you should expect to find a child is in a brothel; yet for 17-year-old Phoebe from Kenya, this is her life.
Phoebe comes from a poor family. When she dropped out of school, she went in search of a better life – instead she has been forced to have group sex with tourists for no money.
Reports indicate that more than 50,000 children are involved in different forms of commercial sexual exploitation. It is most common along the Kenyan Coast where the majority of tourism activities take place – in fact sex offenders travel to Kenya for this very reason: to prey on these vulnerable victims.
It’s sad that Phoebe had to dropped out of school and instead of finding a better life, she found herself plunged into a world of sexual exploitation. A brothel is no place for anyone, especially children. Sex offenders who travel to prey on young girls should be prosecuted and the brothels should be put out of business. Basically, the Kenyan government needs to do something. They need to protect the vulnerable.
Women and girls leave their homes every day to find jobs as domestic workers in the cities of your country.
But when they show up for their first day of work, some find out they’ve been deceived. Locked inside the homes of strangers — no contact with their families, and often beaten and sexually abused — they are caught in the nightmare of modern slavery.
What a nightmare it must be for women and children to go to what they believe is a job which will help their families only to be faced with brutality and sexual abuse. They are cut off from their families and forced into a modern slavery. People are not property and slavery should not have any place in our society. There need to be tougher rules for domestic workers and anyone caught exploiting their rights should be imprisoned. It’s time to get tough on those who exploit others.
Women’s History month is not only a celebration of the difference women have made in their communities but it is also a reminder that we still have a long way to go and that raising awareness is key. When I shared these stories with my husband, he commented that there is a whole different world out there that we are not aware of. And he’s right. If it weren’t for organizations like Freedom United, Equality Now and many others we would have no idea of the realities that many women and girls are facing.
Empowered by her religious faith, the former slave worked tirelessly for many years to transform national attitudes and institutions. According to Nell Painter, Princeton professor and Truth biographer, “No other woman who had gone through the ordeal of slavery managed to survive with sufficient strength, poise and self-confidence to become a public presence over the long term.” (Painter, Sojourner Truth: A Life, A Symbol, page 4)
In celebration of Black History Month, Notes to Women salutes Sojourner Truth, a devout Christian, abolitionist and Women’s Rights activist. She was reputed to be the most famous African American woman in America in the 19th century.
For over forty years she traveled around the country, passionately and forcefully speaking for the abolition of slavery, women’s rights and suffrage, the rights of freedmen, temperance, prison reform and the termination of capital punishment. She changed her name from Isabella to Sojourner Truth, a seeker after truth, becoming a traveling itinerant preacher so that she could tell the truth and crusade against injustice. She was not intimidated by convention or authority. She was known for her sense of humour which she used to squash self-righteousness. She once derided some of the women social activists who wore frivolous clothing, saying to them, “What kind of reformers be you, with goose-wings on your heads, as if you were going to fly, and dressed in such ridiculous fashion, talking about reform and women’s rights?” (Narrative, Book of Life, p.243).
She made her most famous address, Ain’t I a Woman at a Women’s Rights Convention in Akron, Ohio where she asserted that women deserved equal rights with men because they were as equally as capable as men. She testified, “I have plowed and reaped and husked and chopped and moved, and can any man do more than that?” She concluded her speech saying, “And how came Jesus into the world? Through God who created Him and the woman who bore Him. Man, where was your part?” (Anti-Slavery Bugle, June, 1851).
Watch this video of this remarkable woman.
We celebrate the “world’s oldest lecturer” who, as a woman of faith could not keep silent when those created in God’s image were denied their human rights and equality. Her memory lives on in the many local memorials and tributes established in her honor in Battle Creek. In 1997, a year long celebration marked the 200th anniversary of Sojourner’s birth. One day was not enough to celebrate this special lady. She has left behind a legacy survival, strength, courage and the passion to transform attitudes and and institutions. She inspires us to speak out against injustice, inequality and oppression and to stand up for truth and to act instead of talk.
If women want any rights more than they’s got, why don’t they just take them, and not be talking about it.
Truth is powerful and it prevails.
Religion without humanity is very poor human stuff.
“Does not God love colored children as well as white children? And did not the same Savior die to save the one as well as the other?” (Sabbath School Convention, Battle Creek, June 1863)
FGM is recognized internationally as a violation of the human rights of girls and women. It reflects deep-rooted inequality between the sexes, and constitutes an extreme form of discrimination against women. It is nearly always carried out on minors and is a violation of the rights of children. The practice also violates a person’s rights to health, security and physical integrity, the right to be free from torture and cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment, and the right to life when the procedure results in death.
When I read the article in The Daily Mail on Female genital mutilation, I was incensed. I couldn’t believe the reasons behind this barbaric practice.
In some cultures, it is seen as a right of passage into womanhood and a condition of marriage.
Some believe that the genitals will be unclean if the female does not have the procedure.
There is also a common belief that women need to have FGM to have babies.
Religous reasons
Egypt has one of the highest rates of female genital mutilation in the world and even thought the practice was criminalized in 2008, it still remains widespread. Up to 92 percent of married women have undergone FGM and most females have the procedure between the ages of nine and 12. Some have it done earlier than nine years old. Can you imagine a five year old girl having part or all of her external genitalia removed? There are no anaesthetics and antiseptic treatments used and FGM is performed with knives, scissors, scalpels, pieces of glass or razor blades. This can lead to severe bleeding and infections which can last a woman her entire lifetime. And it is estimated that 3 million girls are subjected to this barbarism every year in the UK, parts of Africa, Middle East and Asia. And believe it or not, the procedure is usually done by a woman with no medical background.
Girls are going to grow up believing that their genitals are unclean and only a cruel cut can make them clean and fit for marriage. What about the infections that they get or what about those who die from the procedure like the 13 year old Sohair el-Batea? The doctor responsible for her death was convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to more than two years in jail. This was a victory for women but more needs to be done. FGM is still being practiced.
According to Egyptian Streets, statistics showed that 30% of married women believe that FGM should be banned but more than half were in favor of the procedure for religious reasons. It’s hard to accept that women would be in favor of such a practice. It is even harder to accept that they would force their daughters, granddaughters, nieces to go through what they themselves had gone through. As a mother, I could never subject my daughter to this. As a woman, I could never bring myself to do this horrible thing to another female.
And which religion would condone this? God created the human body and He put everything in its place for a reason. No one has the right to tamper with nature. How could anyone use religion as an excuse to mutilate young girls and in some cases, babies? And as far as FGM being necessary in order to have babies, that is ludicrious. The reality is that FGM can cause infertility and increase the risk of complications in childbirth.
FGM, known as the “cruel cut” needs to be banned the regions of Africa and countries where it is still common. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), it is estimated that more than three million girls in Africa are at risk. Something needs to be done to stop girls and babies from is done in ignorance and in the name of tradition. Girls should not see the parts of their bodies that is unique to their gender as unclean. No where in the Bible is female circumcision practiced. God never intended for girls and women to be circumcised. It is a man-made procedure and it needs to be outlawed.
I encourage you to watch the video of Leyla Hussein, the founder of Daughters of Eve as she talks to her mother about FGM. You can visit Leyla’s website to find out more information about FGM and see what you can do to stop this cruel and inhumane practice.
I recently got an email from Women for Afghan Women (WAW) featuring a video. The video is produced by Leslie Knott and narrated by Dan Rather. It shows the impact of WAW in Afghanistan. “I believe it makes an excellent case for the work of WAW, and will inspire many to support our work” says Manizha Naderi, Executive Director.
Manizha makes the following request:
* Please view the video – it is about 8 minutes long and very compelling.
* Please share the video widely — through email, Facebook, Twitter — with a personal note about your own support of WAW. And ask people to share it with their community.
* And please consider hosting a small gathering in your home or community. Show this video and inspire people to make a donation or get involved in some way.
Imagine being forced to marry the man who raped you? This was the horrible reality 16 year Amina Filali faced. This drove Amina to take her own life.
In a variety of cultures, marriage after the fact has been treated historically as a “resolution” to the rape of an unmarried woman. Citing Biblical injunctions (particularly Exodus 22:16–17 and Deuteronomy 22:25–29), Calvinist Geneva permitted a single woman’s father to consent to her marriage to her rapist, after which the husband would have no right to divorce; the woman had no explicitly stated separate right to refuse. Among ancient cultures virginity was highly prized, and a woman who had been raped had little chance of marrying. These laws forced the rapist to provide for their victim.
There are two accounts of rape in the Bible that I will address here. The first was of Dinah, the only daughter of the patriarch Jacob. The man who raped her was Shechem. We learn what happened in Genesis 34:
Now Dinah the daughter of Leah, whom she had borne to Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land. And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her and lay with her, and violated her. His soul was strongly attracted to Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the young woman and spoke kindly to the young woman. So Shechem spoke to his father Hamor, saying, “Get me this young woman as a wife.”
Shechem raped Dinah and then he wanted to marry her. Dinah’s brothers were livid. “The men were grieved and very angry, because he had done a disgraceful thing in Israel by lying with Jacob’s daughter, a thing which ought not to be done.” Shechem’s father Hamor pleaded on his son’s behalf, asking Jacob to give Dinah to him as a wife. And make marriages with us; give your daughters to us, and take our daughters to yourselves. So you shall dwell with us, and the land shall be before you. Dwell and trade in it, and acquire possessions for yourselves in it.” Surely Hamor was aware of what his son had done. Wasn’t he disgraced by it? Did he think that his son marrying the woman he raped would excuse what he had done? And what about Dinah? How would she have felt marrying the man who raped her? Suffice to say, the marriage didn’t go through. Two of Dinah’s brothers killed Shechem, his father and all of the men in the city. We don’t hear about Dinah after this terrible chapter in her life but it is safe to say that she never got married.
Tamar was the daughter of King David. Her half-brother Amnon lusted after her to the point where he couldn’t eat or sleep. Finally, unable to bear it any longer, he dismissed all of the servants and got Tamar to come to his room on the pretense that he was ill. She trustingly entered his room with the cakes she had made for him. He took hold of her and he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.”
But she answered him, “No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing! And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you.” However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her (2 Samuel 13:1-14). After he raped her, Amnon chased her away even though she said to him, “No, indeed! This evil of sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me.” He had the servant throw her out and bolt the door. Tamar was a virgin. She went away crying bitterly. She remained at her brother Absalom’s house. Tamar didn’t go to her father to report what had happened. And we can see why. We learn that although King David was angry when he heard what Amnon had done to his half-sister, he did nothing. Amnon was not punished for his crime. Absalom took matters into his own hands and avenged his sister by murdering her rapist.
Rapists should not be allowed to marry their victims so that they could avoid jail time. They committed a crime and should be punished according the law. Victims should not be forced to marry the men who violated them. What psychological damage could that do to a woman, especially a young woman like Amina? She was forced to marry her rapist. Such an arrangement was unbearable for her. After seven months of marriage, she saw no other way out except death. Death was more preferable than staying married to Moustapha Fellak whom she accused of physical abuse. It is a terrible shame that this young girl had to die in order for the Moroccan justice ministry to support a proposal to change the penal code.
Let us hope that other young girls will be saved from the same fate as Amina. This is not just a women’s issue–it is human rights’ issue. Everyone has a right to quality of life and to be protected from violent crimes. Rape is a crime and should be treated as such. Those who commit rape should be arrested, charged and sentenced.
It is sad that we live in a world where an unwed girl or woman who has lost her virginity is considered to have dishonored her family and deemed no longer suitable for marriage. It doesn’t matter that she was raped. Some families believe that marrying the rapist is the best alternative. According to a BBC News, Amina’s mother told the Associated Press, “I couldn’t allow my daughter to have no future and stay unmarried.” It’s times like these when I am thankful that I am not a part of a culture where a young girl or woman doesn’t have the right to refuse to marry the man who raped her. Keeping the family honor in tact even if it means that the guilty party will be a part of that family is more important than their daughter’s wellbeing.
Let’s continue to hope and pray that Morocco will change the law allowing rape marriages and to curb violence against women. It’s time to take action, Morocco and prevent more tragedies like the suicide of Amina. It’s time for parents to stop forcing their daughters to marry their rapists out of fear they won’t be able to find husbands if it is known they were raped. It’s time to protect the victims and stop allowing rapists to escape prosecution. It’s time to rewrite the entire penal code to stop violence against women. It’s time for change.
In Morocco, the law protects public morality but not the individual.
FOUZIA ASSOULI,
president of the Democratic League for Women’s Rights, on the suicide of a Moroccan teenager who was reportedly forced to marry her rapist
Two women, worlds apart and living very different lives. Their worlds collided when Nazanin Afshin-Jam opened her email one afternoon and saw a message marked “Urgent.”
Nazanin Afshin-Jam is an Iranian-Canadian model, singer, and human rights activist. She is a former Miss World Canada and Miss World first runner-up, and has been an advocate for human rights in her role as president and co-founder of Stop Child Executions. She and her family immigrated to Canada in 1981. Nazanin is married to Peter MacKay, Canada’s Minister of National Defence.
An international model and actress, Nazanin became Miss World Canada in 2003 and joined in the Miss World contest in Sanya, China, ranking second. She entered the Miss World competition whose motto is “beauty with a purpose” to have a stronger platform to speak on human rights issues. Afshin-Jam traveled worldwide representing many causes including helping victims of the tsunami in India and Sri Lanka, raising funds for the earthquake victims of Bam, supporting fistula patients in Ethiopia, fundraising for Variety the Children’s Charity, bridging the digital divide through youth advocacy and raising awareness on the practice of Bear Bile Farming in China.
Afshin-Jam continues to address human rights abuses worldwide particularly in relation to women and children in Iran and the Middle East including speeches at UN, EU, Canadian and UK Parliament. She has had media features on CNN, BBC, CBC, FOX, Al Jazeera and numerous radio shows, talk shows and print including Glamour, Seventeen, Chatelaine, Flare and Vanity Fair magazine. Just recently she was on Canada AM promoting her book, The Tale of Two Nazanins in which she writes about Nazanin Mahabad Fatehi, a young Iranian woman who was sentenced to hang for stabbing one of three men who tried to rape her and her niece in Karaj in March 2005.
The former beauty queen started a campaign to help save the life of her namesake including a petition which attracted more than 350,000 signatures worldwide. She has also dedicated her song “Someday the Revolution song” -one of the 12 songs on her album -Someday to Nazanin Fatehi and some other youth in Iran.Eventually, with pressure from the international community, Nazanin Fatehi was granted a new trial by the head of Judiciary in June 2006. In January 2007, Nazanin Fatehi was exhonerated of murder charges and was released on January 31, 2007 after Afshin-Jam raised $43,000 on-line for bail while her lawyers worked on her case. For her efforts in helping save Nazanin Fatehi, Afshin-Jam was awarded the “hero for human rights award” from Youth For Human Rights International and Artists for Human Rights at the United Nations headquarters in New York.
In 2009, Nazanin starred role of Táhirih in Jack Lenz’s movie , Mona’s Dream, about the life of Mona Mahmudnizhad. That same year, Nazanin along with 266 other Iranian academics, writers, artists, journalists about signed an open letter of apology posted to Iranian.com about the Persecution of Bahá’ís. She won the YMCA Power of Peace Award as “Young Emerging Leader”.
Nazanin has written a book which she hopes will bring her leads as to where Nazanin Fatehi and her family are. Since 2010, Nazanin has not heard from the young woman. This experience has opened Nazanin’s eyes to need to mobilize world support to fight injustices against women and she hopes to make a difference on a global scale. Through her speeches and music Afshin-Jam hopes to continue being a “voice for the voiceless” and deliver her messages of freedom, peace and love worldwide.
Notes to Women applaud this beauty who is a woman of action and a champion of human rights. We hope that she will one day be in touch with the young woman whose life she saved.
I didn’t know anything about her
No one else was trying to do anything to help her, so I thought why not me?
In Morocco, the law protects public morality but not the individual.
