Spilling the Beans

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Photo Credit: C.E. Ayr

She walked past the store, barely acknowledging the sign outside the store she used to frequent when she was a child.  She was on her way to Michelle’s home to have lunch.  Was he going to be there?  She hoped not.  She was getting tired of fending off his unwanted advances.  How could he think that she would want to get involved with him when he was married to her best friend?  What kind of person did he think she was?  And even if he weren’t married, she still wouldn’t be interested.  He wasn’t her type.  He was crude, insensitive and conceited.

What on earth did Michelle see in him?  They celebrated their tenth anniversary last week Saturday and they threw a big bash.  It was quite the celebration but she didn’t enjoy it one bit.  She mingled and tried to act like she was having a good time but at the back of her mind, she kept reliving the awful moment when he grabbed her in the basement.  She managed to fend him off and bolt from the room.

Should she tell Michelle? Would she believe her? Was spilling the beans worth it if it meant ruining their friendship?

200 Words

This was written as part of Sunday Photo Fiction hosted by Susan Spaulding. For more details visit Here.  To read more of the stories based on this week’s prompt, visit Here.

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Women’ s History Month

I learned today that March is Women’s History Month and it is a celebration of women’s contributions to society.  Before Women’s History Month, there was Women’s History Week, the birth child of the school district of Sonoma, California which participated in Women’s History Week, an event designed around the week of March 8 (International Women’s Day).  From 1978 to 1979, the idea to secure a National Women’s History Week lay incubated until February 1980 when it was born, thanks to President Jimmy Carter who issued a presidential proclamation declaring the week of March 8, 1980, as National Women’s History Week.

This year marks the 30th anniversary of the law which was passed making March Women’s History Month in the United States.  This year’s theme is “Nevertheless, She Persisted: Honoring Women Who Fight All Forms of Discrimination against Women.”  What a great theme.  Like warriors facing bitter battles with ferocious armies, women face societies, communities, institutions and governments that would deny them their rights.  Nevertheless, like phoenix rising from the ashes, women all around world are rising up, joining together and fighting for what they believe in.  Their voices are raised in unison, refusing to be silenced, in spite of the draw backs they face.  Silence is not golden.  Using one’s voice to be heard is golden.

Throughout history, women have had dreams, hopes, plans and visions which they had to fight hard to realize.  No amount of discouragement, obstacles, nay-saying, discrimination or opposition could quell those dreams, hopes, plans, visions which had taken shape.  Women clung to their faith that one day they would be able to vote, own businesses, own homes, land, get an education, work in jobs and play in sports that were predominantly male oriented.  They had to have the courage and the faith to step out, speak up and conquer a world that had long denied them and still does in some cultures, equality, recognition for their accomplishments and basic human rights.

However, despite the strides women have made in their fight for human rights, they still face mountains like human trafficking, modern slavery which target young girls, child marriage, FGM, access to safe water, realizing their self worth and potential in societies which favor boys over girls, pay equity, access to safe water and quality education.  Just this month, the organization, Freedom United is calling for action for the following campaigns:

Show solidarity and tell Uzbekistan to drop all charges against Malokhat.

Malokhat is being targeted because of her determination to expose human rights violations and forced labor in Uzbekistan’s cotton industry.

JOIN THE FIGHT FOR FREEDOM FOR GIRLS

The fight to end modern slavery today in order to help girls like Phoebe, forced into the commercial sex trade at just 15 years old.  Women and girls make up 71% of all modern slavery victims. 

These girls should be in school getting quality education so that they would have a bright future.  Sex should not something that they engage in until they are adults and married.  Sex came from God was never meant to be exploited or forced on anyone.  It was meant to be a physical and emotional expression of a husband’s and wife’s love for each other.

Help End Forced Marriage in Lebanon

Momentum is growing to repeal laws that enable convicted rapists to marry their victims to avoid punishment. As well as the horrors endured by victims, this law means many women and girls where these laws exist are then forced into marriage against their will

Marriage was meant to be between a man and a woman not a man and a child.  And any law which allows a rapist to marry his victim to escape justice, should be done away with.  It is a disgrace to human decency and dignity and it violates the victim’s rights.  Marriage is a holy institution and is meant to be entered into with the consent of both the man and the woman.

Call on Niger’s President to outlaw child marriage.

Three-quarters of girls in Niger are married before they are adults. Child marriage often amounts to slavery, for example, when girls have not given their free and full consent, are subjected to control, exploited and unable to leave, so outlawing it is an important step towards protecting Niger children.

Imagine you have a young daughter and that a Nigerian girl her age is being married off to an older man.  At the age of twenty, Fati Yahaya has been married twice, divorced once, suffered a postpartum hemorrhage after giving birth to her first child.  I didn’t have a child until I was 41 years old!  It’s so hard to fathom a young girl going through two marriages, one divorce and suffering excessive blessing following the birth of her first child.  I don’t know how many children she had afterwards or if she suffered any more hemorrhages.  And I can’t imagine giving my consent to have my daughter marry at the age of consent which is 15 or even younger when she should be in school.  I can’t imagine subjecting her to a life of “abuse and unrealized potential”.

End sexual exploitation of children in Kenya

The last place you should expect to find a child is in a brothel; yet for 17-year-old Phoebe from Kenya, this is her life.

Phoebe comes from a poor family. When she dropped out of school, she went in search of a better life – instead she has been forced to have group sex with tourists for no money.

Reports indicate that more than 50,000 children are involved in different forms of commercial sexual exploitation.  It is most common along the Kenyan Coast where the majority of tourism activities take place – in fact sex offenders travel to Kenya for this very reason: to prey on these vulnerable victims.

It’s sad that Phoebe had to dropped out of school and instead of finding a better life, she found herself plunged into a world of sexual exploitation.  A brothel is no place for anyone, especially children.  Sex offenders who travel to prey on young girls should be prosecuted and the brothels should be put out of business.  Basically, the Kenyan government needs to do something.  They need to protect the vulnerable.

Help end domestic slavery

Women and girls leave their homes every day to find jobs as domestic workers in the cities of your country.

But when they show up for their first day of work, some find out they’ve been deceived. Locked inside the homes of strangers — no contact with their families, and often beaten and sexually abused — they are caught in the nightmare of modern slavery.

What a nightmare it must be for women and children to go to what they believe is a job which will help their families only to be faced with brutality and sexual abuse.  They are cut off from their families and forced into a modern slavery.  People are not property and slavery should not have any place in our society.  There need to be tougher rules for domestic workers and anyone caught exploiting their rights should be imprisoned.  It’s time to get tough on those who exploit others.

Women’s History month is not only a celebration of the difference women have made in their communities but it is also a reminder that we still have a long way to go and that raising awareness is key.  When I shared these stories with my husband, he commented that there is a whole different world out there that we are not aware of.  And he’s right.  If it weren’t for organizations like Freedom United, Equality Now and many others we would have no idea of the realities that many women and girls are facing.

Sources:  Wikipedia; AJC.com; Freedom United

Sunrise on the Beach

A creature of habit, he went for a walk on the beach very early in the morning before the sun rose.  It was quiet and peaceful at that time and he could clear his thoughts.  This morning was different, though.  His mind was in turmoil.  He couldn’t stop thinking about her and what almost happened between them last night.  He wanted her but he couldn’t have her because she was his brother’s girlfriend.

Last night he watched them together when they were all in the drawing-room following a sumptuous dinner, jealousy eating him up.  When he saw Laurence put his arm around her waist, he wanted to go over there and pull them apart.  Instead, he rose abruptly to his feet and stalked out of the dining-room.  He went into the library where he planned to spend the rest of the evening.

He was sitting in the armchair, deep in thought when the door opened and Laila walked in.  He stiffened at once and a muscle began to pulsate along his jaw-line.  Involuntarily, his gaze swept over her slender frame in the short coral reef shade strapless mesh dress with the sweetheart neckline.  It reached just above her knees revealing a pair of long, shapely legs in impossibly high strappy sandals.  Her neck was long and graceful and her shoulders smooth.  Her skin was flawless.  Her hair cut short like a boy’s suited her.  She was an extremely beautiful woman and she took his breath away.  He tried to ignore the feelings she was stirring inside him and exuded a calm demeanor he was far from feeling.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” she said, going over to stand beside him.  “I saw when you left the room.  Are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” he replied in a tight voice.  You disturb me more than you know.  “Laurence is probably wondering where you went off to.”  He wanted to insist that she leave him because he was afraid of what he might do if she stayed.

She shrugged.  “Laurence can do without me for a little while,” she said.  “I’d like to stay here and keep you company.”

He caught a whiff of her perfume which tantalized his senses with its blended scents of hyacinth and primrose. She was standing too close for comfort and he couldn’t hide the desire that was raging inside him. For one betraying moment, his gaze lowered to her mouth which he longed to ravish, especially when he saw it part invitingly.  He stood up.  Their bodies were inches apart and their heads were moving closer together.  In a few seconds, their lips would touch and he would taste the sweetness within…

Then sound of footsteps in the hall reached their ears and they broke apart.  He sank heavily back down in the chair, his face flushed and his heart racing while she moved closer to the bookcase.  Laurence went into the room, his eyes shifting first to her and then to his brother, his expression quizzical.  “So, this is where you two dashed off to,” he said.  “Father and Mother are about to cut the cake.  I’m sure you wouldn’t want to miss that.”  He took Laila’s arm.  “Aidan, are you coming?”

“Yes.” He stood up, his eyes avoiding her as he walked past them and out of the room, his back rod straight.  He would have preferred to stay in the library but it was his parents’ sixtieth wedding anniversary and it would look rather amiss if he were absent when they cut the cake.  He stood by the window, his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jacket, watching as his parents beamed at each other as they got ready to cut the three tier cake.  Just then Laurence and Laila entered the room.  Unable to resist, his eyes lingered on her.  She seemed to be looking around the room.  Was she looking for him?  There wasn’t any doubt in his mind that Laila was attracted to him and if Laurence hadn’t walked in when he had…

The thunderous applause jolted him and he dragged his eyes away from Laila to see his parents kiss before they cut the cake.  He went over and congratulated them.  He stayed and mingled with the guests until they left and then, he escaped to his room.  He lay there for a long time, staring up at the ceiling and trying to put what almost happened between Laila and him out of his mind.  It was almost one in the morning when he finally dozed off.

He woke up at his usual time which was just before sunrise and made his way down to the beach.  It promised to be a beautiful morning but it did nothing to lift his spirits.  He removed his loafers and left them in the sand while he walked to the water’s edge.  He stood gazing at the calm ocean, wishing that was how he felt inside.  Of all the women in England, why did he have to fall in love with her?

Sighing heavily, he dragged his fingers through his hair.  Right now he felt guilty because of Laurence but bitter disappointment because of what could have happened if only they hadn’t been interrupted.

Just then the sun appeared as a bright yellow ball above the ocean, illuminating its calm waters.  It was one of the most magnificent sunrises he had ever seen and he found himself wishing that Laila was there to enjoy it with him.  Frustrated with himself, he quickly removed his clothes and ran stark naked into the water to cool off.  It felt great against his skin and he floated on his back for several minutes, closing his eyes.

Laila sat there watching him.  She had followed him after she saw him leave the house.  She knew that he was heading for the beach.  It felt a bit cool at first when she came out into the early morning air and was glad that she was wearing a light jacket.  She made sure he didn’t see her and kept close to the rocks, watching him as he walked along the sandy shore.  He was bare feet.  His shoes were in his hands.  He was dressed in a long sleeve tee shirt and a pair of jeans.  He stopped and turned toward the ocean, standing there for a few minutes.  Then, she gasped when she saw him strip and walk naked into the ocean.  Her heart began to pound as she watched him wade out into the water before he disappeared under its surface.

Suddenly, she was feeling hot and she pulled off her jacket.  She wanted to get from where she was perched on the sandy slope and join him but there was the possibility of the water being a bit too cool for her liking.  She decided to stay put and just watch him.

Last night she hadn’t been able to sleep.  All she could think about was how much she wanted him to kiss her and he would have if Laurence hadn’t interrupted them.  Laurence knew that she was in love with Aiden and he teased her about it.  Last night, much to her chagrin, he put his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to whisper in her ear, “I know that my little brother is besotted with you but he wouldn’t do anything about it because he thinks that you and I are in a relationship.”

She turned to stare at him.  “Why does he think that?” she asked.

“I may have alluded to it.”

“Why would you do that?”

“To get a rise out of him.”

“Is that why you’ve been flirting with me all night?”

“He’s leaving.  I thought he would have come over here and punch me or something.”

She turned to see Aidan hurrying out of the room.  Grimacing, she removed Larry’s arm from around her.  “Well, you’ve succeeded in getting a rise out of me too.”

Laurence looked contrite.  “I’m sorry.  I was just trying to help things along.  You’ll find him in the library.  It’s where he always goes when he’s upset.”

“Thank you.”  She excused herself and quickly walked away.  Her heart thudded with each step as she headed for the library.  She found him sitting in the armchair  by the windows overlooking the courtyard.  He didn’t look pleased to see her but she didn’t mind.  Her desire to be with him trumped his desire to be alone.  She trembled now as she remembered when he stood in front of her and they were about to kiss.  How she longed to feel his lips on hers.  Darn Larry for spoiling the moment.

Aidan was coming ashore and she rose to her feet, her eyes riveted as she saw him walk over to where his clothes lay on, spread his shirt out and sit on it with his knees drawn, gazing out at the sea.  She sat there for the longest time watching him and debating whether or not to go down to him.

A gentle breeze was blowing and it was becoming warm.  He felt invigorated after the swim and now he sat there allowing the air to dry his hair and skin.  He glanced at his watch.  It was eight o’clock.  The others were probably awake by now.  He would head back in ten minutes.  Right now, he just wanted to enjoy his solitude…Something, he didn’t quite know what, alerted him that he wasn’t alone anymore and he swung round, his face going beet red when he saw Laila coming down the slope toward him.

Muttering under his breath, he scrambled to his feet, snatched up his jeans and dragged them on, his fingers trembling as he fumbled with the zipper.  He fastened the button and was about to pick up his shirt when she reached him.  He felt self-conscious standing there half-naked in front of her and he felt his body react when he saw her eyes travel over his torso.

His expression was tense as he looked at her and his heart was pounding wildly against his ribs.  “What are you doing here?” he demanded tightly as he scooped up his shirt and pulled it on.

“I saw you leave and followed you.”

“Laila, you can’t stay here.”

“Why not?” she asked.  “Is it because of what nearly happened between us last night?”

“Yes!” he hissed.  He was trying really hard to control his emotions but she was making it impossible.  “You need to go back to the house right now.”

“I don’t want to go back to the house, Aidan.  I want to stay here.”

“All right.  Then, I’ll leave.”  He was about to walk past her when she caught his arm.

“Leaving me here wouldn’t change anything,” she told him huskily.  “It wouldn’t change what we feel for each other.  Last night I couldn’t sleep.  All I could think about was how much I wanted you to kiss me…”  She was standing very close to him now and her gaze had dropped to his lips, her own parting eagerly.

Groaning, he turned away from her as every fiber of his body screamed for him to take her in his arms and unleash the hunger that was consuming him.  “No, as much as I want you, I can’t do this to my brother.”

“Aidan, I’m not Larry’s girlfriend.

Aidan turned back to stare at her.  “What are you talking about?” he asked.

“Larry and I are not romantically involved.  We’re just really good friends.”

“If that’s true, why is he always fawning all over you?  Last night, he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes and hands off you.”  Jealousy flashed in his eyes at the memory.

“That was for your benefit,” she informed him.

His eyes widened.  “My benefit?” he exclaimed.

“Yes.  He was trying to get a rise out of you.”  She moved closer.  “He seems to think that you’re in love with me.  Is he right?”

His eyes darkened on her face and reaching out, he pulled her against him.  “Yes,” he moaned before he lowered his head and kissed her.  His lips plundered hers hungrily, feverishly and she pressed against him, her fingers gripping his hair as she responded passionately to his kisses.  They stood there for a long time, kissing while the sunlight bathed them.  Then, he broke off the kiss to bury his face in her neck.  “I love you,” he whispered.

She smiled.  “I love you too,” she murmured.  Then, they were kissing again.  She tugged at his shirt and he released her to pull it over his head.  His jeans followed.  Her fingers moved eagerly over his bare skin and she felt him ease her gently down on to the sand which felt soft and cushiony against her back.  They made love right there on the beach and in the following Spring they got married.  Laurence was the best man.

The first thing, Aiden and Laila did the following morning after they returned from their honeymoon in Bermuda was to go to the beach to watch the sunrise.  They stood there at the water’s edge, the water swirling about their ankles, arms around each other watching the sun as it rose slowly in the sky.  He turned to her and murmured huskily, “This is why I bought a house on the beach.  I want to stand here and watch the sunrise with you every morning for the rest of our lives.”

She smiled at him, her heart in her eyes.  “What a beautiful thing to say,” she said.  “It reminds me of a quote I once read.  It went something like this, ‘Someday, you will find the one who will watch every sunrise with you until the sunset of your life.’

“Yes, we found each other.”  He reached down and kissed her.

Source:  Pure Love Quotes

Much to Celebrate

“Happy anniversary, my Darling,” he said as he handed her the beautiful bouquet of flowers.  “Forty years ago, you turned my life upside down when you moved into my neighborhood.  And it took a few years before I plucked up the courage to ask you out on a date.  Thank you for not saying no and for the happiest years of my life.”  He pulled her to his side and kissed her on the temple.

Joanne smiled as she inhaled the sweet fragrance of the roses.  “These are lovely,” she said.  “Thank you for being such a wonderful husband.”

Tears came to her eyes as she thought of how amazing he had been when they found out that she couldn’t have children.  It had devastated her because she had longed to be a mother and she knew that he would have made a terrific father.  For years they had tried and then she had learned that they would never have children.  It was a very bitter pill to swallow and for months she was depressed but Martin was always there, loving her and trying to help her through those though times.

During the moments of despair, she lashed out at God, asking Him why He would deny her the joy of being a mother.  Friends encouraged her to looking into adopting a child but she didn’t want to consider it.  And Martin assured her that she was more than enough for him and tried to encourage her to go away on trips with him and get involved in activities to take her mind off of things.  He was so devoted to her that sometimes she felt ashamed of how she was so fixated on not being able to have children that she might be neglecting him.

One day she was turning the pages of her Bible, not sure what to read.  It had been a while since she had even opened it.  And her eyes fell on the chapter one of the first book of Samuel.  She began to read it.  She could identify with Hannah.  She remembered those times when she couldn’t eat and was always in tears.  And all Martin could do was try to comfort her as best as he could.  It must have been so hard for him.  The words, But to Hannah he would give a double portion, for he loved Hannah, although the LORD had closed her womb.  Martin loved her even though she couldn’t give him children.  Her barrenness hadn’t diminished his love at all, in fact it had grown stronger.  Her friends remarked on how he treated her like a queen.

And Elkanah’s words to Hannah cut Joanne to the quick.  “Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? And why is your heart grieved? Am I not better to you than ten sons?”  Wasn’t Martin better to her than the children she wished she could have?  He was there and they were not.  God had blessed her with an incredible man whose happiness was wrapped up in her and the life they could have together.  She felt ashamed and she cried out to God, asking Him to forgive her for being so selfish and for her anger and bitterness toward Him.

That night when Martin came home, she asked him to forgive her and he, of course, assured her that there was nothing to forgive.  He took her in his arms and held her close for a long time.  That night was the turning point in her life.  She decided that she would focus on her marriage and nothing else.

Forty years later and they were still going strong.  There were still moments when she wondered what would have happened if her life had turned out like Hannah’s.  Hannah had prayed to God and He had opened her womb and blessed her with seven children.  Joanne had prayed for Him to do the same miraculous thing for her but it didn’t happen.  God had blessed her with a lasting, strong and healthy marriage and tonight she was going to celebrate.

“Are you ready?” Martin asked.

She nodded.  “Yes.  I’m ready to celebrate forty years of being married to an incredible man.” Yes.  There was much to celebrate.  And she had God to thank for that.

man giving wife flowers

Women And Divorce

Divorce-Image

I have heard a pastor advise couples who are entering into marriage to make up their minds that divorce was not going to be an option.  The Bible says that infidelity is the only legitimate reason for divorce.  And it tells us that God hates divorce.  Marriage was meant to be a lifelong commitment.  It is sacred.  It was the first institution created by God.  It existed before sin came into the world. It was God’s design for mankind.  He created Eve for Adam, the first man He made after no companion suitable for him was found among the creation.  God gave Eve in marriage to Adam and blessed them.

My parents are divorced.  They have been divorced for over twenty-five years.  My father remarried but he is no longer with his second wife.  I remember the day when I was standing in the living-room with my parents and I asked my father to stay.  He was planning to leave home.  The marriage had gotten to the point where he wanted to leave.  I asked him to stay but he had made up his mind.  In retrospect, I am glad he didn’t stay.  I wouldn’t have wanted him to stay on my account.  I didn’t want him to remain in a marriage where he wasn’t happy for my sake.  That would have been unfair to him and selfish on my part.

My mother expressed regret some years ago that she and my father divorced.  She had always hoped that she would be married for life.  I remember how wistful she seemed to be missing out on what would have been their twenty-fifth anniversary.   I know that they had problems in their marriage.  There was infidelity and there were times when the other woman called our house.  I don’t know what caused their relationship to go sour.  My mother was very social because she was a part of her company’s drama group.  She was always attending functions.  My Dad didn’t go with her. They seemed to live separate lives even though they were living under the same roof.  They most likely drifted apart.  My mother didn’t want a divorce but my father did.

What causes people to divorce?  One of my co-workers was married a guy she had known for years.  However, they later divorced because they grew apart.  Another co-worker’s son divorced because he and his ex-wife no longer loved each other.   Here are top 10 reasons why couples get divorced.

I have heard of couples divorcing after fifty years of marriage. How is that possible?   Why would they decide to call it quits after spending so many years together?  Al Gore and Tipper shocked everyone when they announced that they were separating after 40 years of marriage.  The signs were not there–at least they were not visible to the public.  Robert Levenson, a psychologist at the University of California who studies marriage across the lifespan stated, “Though every marriage is different, a divorce after 40 years is unusual.  Most divorces occur early in marriage.”

I was shocked when I heard about the split between Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman after 30 years of marriage.   They separated in 2012 but it looks like they are back together again.  They had split because of Danny’s wandering eye.   While an extramarital affair can be a cause for divorce as in the case of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, there are other less dramatic factors.

Some relationships have been in decline for decades and finally lose all their juice. A marriage doesn’t usually just blow up. It’s more like a balloon that has been seeping air for a long time. After a while, it’s totally deflated.

Another possibility is that a couple’s issues intensify. Most problems are manageable, but then something sends them into hyperdrive. It could be a change in jobs, health, children’s lives, personal ambitions or any number of other triggers. Whatever balance had been achieved is undermined, and with it the ability to handle the issue and still have a decent marriage (AARP).

I have seen relationships suffer because the woman is focusing most of her attention on the children and not enough on the husband.  I watched a show on OWN where the husband felt neglected by his wife and as a result he had an affair.  His affair, of course, devastated his wife.

No one likes to get a divorce.  No one wants to see their marriage end.  It makes them feel like they failed.  Sometimes, women stay in marriages, suffering in silence because they don’t want to get divorced.  They stay put, hoping that things would change–that they would get better.  Of course, they only get worse.  Other women see divorce as their only option.  I read one story where a man was blown away when his wife told him that she wanted a divorce.  He didn’t see it coming at all.  Weren’t there any signs?

Why do women get divorced?  Here are some reasons:

  • “I hurt all the time because I feel alone and abandoned.”
  • “My husband is no longer my friend.”
  • “The only time he pays attention to me is when he wants sex.”
  • “He is never there for me when I need him the most.”
  • “When he hurts my feelings he doesn’t apologize.”
  • “He lives his life as if we weren’t married; he rarely considers me.”
  • “We’re like ships passing in the night, he goes his way and I go mine.”
  • “My husband has become a stranger to me, I don’t even know who he is anymore.”
  • “He doesn’t show any interest in me or what I do.”

I wonder if some of these marriages would have survived if the women had told their husbands how they felt.   What would you do in their situation?   Are you experiencing one of these things? Have you spoken to your husband about it?  Do you think he would want to go with you for marriage counseling or couples’ therapy?

For Christian women, none of the above reasons would be grounds for divorce.  They go against biblical principles.  Divorce is a matter that is to be taken seriously.  Any Christian woman who is considering is encouraged to pray about it and be open to God’s leading.  If she is concerned about whether or not she has biblical grounds for divorce, she should commit the matter to prayer and study and seek counsel from her pastor and a licensed Christian counselor (Focus on the Family).   “…while there may be some situations in which extramarital sex would create such problems in a marriage that divorce would be better than continuing in an unhealthy or even dangerous relationship, in general it would be better to forgive earlier indiscretions (if accompanied by repentance and present faithfulness) rather than to break up what might otherwise still be a good marriage” (Christian Answers.net).

Are there biblical grounds for divorce?  Yes.

Sexual immorality.  If her husband is guilty of having extramarital sex and is not willing to end the affair and work on saving their marriage.

Husband is a non-Christian.  If a Christian woman is married to a non-Christian husband and he insists on a divorce, there is nothing she can do.  And 1 Corinthians 7:15 states, “If the unbelieving depart, let him depart.  A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases:  but God hath called us to peace”.  The Bible warns about marrying a non-believer.  A Christian woman should never marry someone from another religion or even denomination because it may cause problems and worse if children are involved.

If it is the husband who wants the divorce, the woman can’t stop him through the current divorce laws but she could try to persuade him to consider a legal separation which would give them more time to reconsider the matter.  She is encouraged to, “Pray that God will open the lines of communication between you and your spouse and that He will restore the love in your relationship. And pray for patience and a forgiving spirit. Try to resist the temptation to say angry words to your spouse or do things that would push him or her further away. Restoration does occur even in the most hostile circumstances, but it is more difficult when harsh words have passed between you” (Focus on the Family).

How does divorce affect women?  According to Coaching for Divorced Women, they experience the following emotions:

Anger
During all stages of divorce, you might feel intense anger towards your ex. You may be angry with him for leaving you, for not understanding you or for having an affair. At other times, you may be angry with yourself for not seeing the signs, or for allowing him to hurt you, the way he did. It is important to realize that if his actions are continuing to anger you that you have not let go. Even though anger is one of the common emotional effects on divorce, holding onto pent up anger is not hurting your ex at all. He could probably care less that you are angry. You need to forgive him and yourself for the roles each of you played that lead up to the divorce. Forgiveness is the only thing that can set you free to build a happy and fulfilling life.

Guilt
Women are filled with guilt during and after a divorce regardless if they initiated the separation or not. Guilt is one of the common emotional effects of divorce as you might constantly ask yourself if you did everything in your power to make your marriage work. You might be banging yourself over the head on whether or not you made the right decision. If he left, you could be asking yourself what you did wrong. You may feel guilty that you have disrupted the home life of your children. Guilt serves no purpose. Guilt focuses on past events, which are impossible to change. By learning to let go of the past, you are able to look to the future.

Fear
Many women are terrified during divorce. Fear is one of the emotional effects of divorce that women feel in a variety of ways. There are many faces of fear, including fear of the unknown, the fear of making ends meet, the fear of being a single mom, the fear of what other people will think … and the list goes on and on. An acronym for fear is “False Evidence Appearing Real”. This tells you that fear is something you are making up in your own mind by conjuring up a thousand “what ifs”. When you begin to feel fearful, ask yourself what you are thinking and turn the thought around. For example if you are thinking being a single mom is going to be hard, ask yourself why is being a single mom going to be easy. With practice, the fears will dissipate and you will begin looking forward to a wonderful future.

Anxiety
Anxiety and stress is a mixture of many negative emotions, including fear, guilt and anger. Reduce stress by letting go of the fear and learning to deal with what is happening right this moment. Learn techniques to deal with anxiety such as deep breathing, meditating and exercising. Eating healthy also plays an important role in reducing anxiety. Build structures to support a stress free environment such as getting up earlier to get the kids to the bus stop, or cooking enough dinners to last for a week on Sunday. Take responsibility.

Grief
It is natural to be sad and to be sad when your marriage ends. Grieving over the death of your marriage can be a very painful experience, but it is a healthy response. By allowing yourself to go through the five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance you will be able to “let go” and be free to create your own future. Get assistance on dealing with the emotional effects of divorce support during this emotional turmoil.

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Divorce is painful for the couple and children.  It is something God never intended.  Marriage was meant to be a permanent union between a man and a woman.  If you are thinking of getting a divorce make sure this is the right decision.  Sleep on it.  Seek counsel.  If your husband is the one who wants to end the marriage, don’t do what my mother did–try to persuade him to stay.  If he has made up his mind, no amount of begging will change it.  Let him go.  Ending a marriage, especially after so many years together is very, very difficult and it will take time to heal and move on.

Here are some helpful advice that can help you can get you through the end of your marriage financially and emotionally.

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today? – Mary Manin Morrissey

Sources:  Woman’s Divorce; Marriage Builders; Live Science; Focus on the Family; Live Strong; Coaching for Divorced Women; Christian Answers; Women’s Divorce