Pia’s Lowdown on Relationships

“So, today I read about the 9 things women do that drive men away. I’ll tell you what they are and you tell me if you agree or not, okay?” Pia said to Cye.

“Sure.” He wondered if she knew how sexy she looked in that workout outfit. After a jog in the park, he had stopped by her place to chill for a while.

It had been a week since his aches and pains after overdoing it with his workout. And she had visited him everyday to make sure that he was all right. She was like a mother hen fussing over him but he didn’t mind at all. He rather liked the attention. She was a great friend.

“Number one is Assuming He Knows What You’re Thinking.”

“That’s true. Many women assume that men know knows exactly what they’re thinking, feeling and needing but unfortunately, we are not mind readers. You have to be upfront with us. Tell us what’s on your mind, what you’re feeling and what you need. Unless you tell us, we can only guess and you don’t want that.”

“So, you can’t tell what I’m thinking or feeling right now?”

“No.”

Good, she thought. He would probably be embarrassed if he knew what she was thinking at that very moment. They were supposed to be friends but her thoughts were anything but platonic. And her feelings to boot. “All right. You’re right. Communication is key. We can’t assume anything. Number two is Comparing Him to Other Men. I know a lot of women do that and I hate to admit that I’m guilty of doing it too.”

“Would you like it if you had a boyfriend and he compared you to his ex-girlfriend?”

“Hell, no.”

“Then, it’s the same thing for us men. We don’t like to be compared to other guys. God made each of us unique so it isn’t fair to make comparisons.”

“You’re right. Number three is Trying to Change Him.”

“What’s up with that? You know how many guys I know who dumped their girlfriends because they were trying change them? You choose to be with the guy knowing what he’s like and then you try to change him? No, I have a huge problem with that.”

“I have friends who are guilty of trying to change their men. I totally agree with you. We shouldn’t try to change people. Only God has the right to do that. We should focus on their good points and leave the rest for God to sort out. None of us is perfect. When you choose to be with someone, you choose to be with their weaknesses, funny quirks and even their bad habits.”

“There are instances, though where you’re better off without the person. If the relationship is toxic or these is abuse, you get out.”

“Yes. Number four is Speaking Out of Pride and Impatience. My sister is guilty of this. There are times when she’s talking to her husband and you can hear the pride, frustration or impatience in the things she says. I feel so embarrassed for him. We all make mistakes but she acts like she doesn’t and when the rest of us do, she’s quick to point them out. If she doesn’t wise up, she will end up losing him. A man can only take so much.”

“Have you talked to her about it?”

“Yes, once. And, not surprisingly, it didn’t go well. She told me that I had no business telling her how to deal with her own husband. I dropped it. I wouldn’t be surprised if she calls me one of these days to tell that they have broken up.”

“Your sister has issues which she needs to work on. No man in his right mind would put up with a woman who acts like she has never made any mistakes.”

“True. Let’s hope that she sees her need to change. Number five is Becoming Passive Aggressive. Okay. I have friends who get frustrated with their husbands when they have asked him to do something several times which he has promised he would do but still hasn’t gotten around to it. It’s still staring them in the face everyday. One friend cussed her husband and called him a lazy, good for nothing jerk because he couldn’t do the things she had asked him to do. Suffice to say, they are now separated and the things she asked him to do, she had to do herself.”

“I know that sometimes men procrastinate. We have every intention of doing what someone has asked us to do but sometimes, we get busy and we don’t get around to it or we may forget because we have so many other things on our minds. Instead of making us feel bad about it, keep gently reminding us. My father was guilty of promising to do things around the house but he didn’t get around to it. My mother sat down with him at the kitchen table one evening and told him how important it was to her for these things to be done and how it would mean so much to her if he would set aside time to do them. The next day, my father got busy doing those things and he was happy to do them. My mother didn’t speak out of frustration although I’m sure she was frustrated but out of patience and she got the results she wanted.”

“Your mother is a wise woman. Number six is Pushing Away His Offer to Help. My sister-in-law used to want to do things on her own because she preferred her way of doing things.  But I told her that two are better than one and to stop trying to accomplish everything on her own and to let my brother help her. It will be a blessing for her and it will show him how much she valued him as her life partner. I reminded her that marriage is not a one woman show but a partnership. Unlike my sister, she listened to me and now everything is rosy in her marriage.”

“Yes. Men like to feel like they are needed and relied on.”

“Number seven is Overanalyzing His Actions. I think most if not all women are guilty of this one. For some reason, we overanalyze their choices or actions and end up to finding problems that aren’t necessarily there.”

“Men can’t stand to be with women who are always questioning every little move they make or criticizing their choices. How would they feel if the shoe were on the other foot?”

“Of course, we wouldn’t like people questioning how or what we think or how we act. We have to remember and accept that men and women think and act differently.”

“Yes, we do and that’s why they said that we are from two different planets-Mars and Venus.”

“Number eight is Never Giving Each Other Time Alone. This, I would have a problem with. I think it’s healthy for couples to give each other space. I wouldn’t have a problem with my man wanting to spend time alone or with his friends and I hope he wouldn’t have a problem with me having time to myself too. When we come together we’re both refreshed.”

“I agree. I once had a girlfriend who wanted us to constantly spend time together. She didn’t want to hang out with her friends or spend time alone. She wanted to be with me all of the time. I couldn’t stand it. I felt suffocated. So, I broke up with her.”

“I don’t blame you. If I were in your shoes, I would have done the same thing. Finally, number 9. And it is Being Quick to Jealousy. I have a couple of friends who are constantly jealous and I’ve warned them that unless they have reasons to feel the way they do, they could end up losing their men.”

“My brother’s wife is a very jealous woman although he has never done anything for her to be.”

“I’ve always said that if a man or a woman believes that there is a valid reason to feel jealous, then they need to talk honestly and openly about it and seek counseling together if necessary. However, if their significant other has proven time and time again again that he or she is someone who can be trusted, then the next best thing is to find out where those jealous tendencies are coming from.”

“Elana was always jealous although I never gave her reason to be.”

“Elana? I’m glad you broke up with her. I never did like her.”

“She didn’t like you either. In fact, she was jealous of you.”

Pia gawked at him. “She was jealous of me?” she exclaimed.  “You’re kidding, right?”

“No, I’m not kidding. She wanted me to end our friendship but I refused.”

“But why would she be jealous of me, of all people?”

“I don’t know. I guess she thought that there was something between us. I don’t think she ever believed that we’re just friends.”

“I wonder why she would have doubts about us.”

He was about to say that maybe she saw something but didn’t. Instead, he asked, “Are you going to Desiree’s party on Saturday?”

“Yes. Are you?”

“Yes. Are you going alone?”

“Yes. What about you?”

“Yes. Why don’t we go together?”

“What are people going to say when we show up together?”

“Do you care what they say?”

“Frankly, no.”

“Good. I’ll pick you up at 9.” He stood up.

She got up. “Okay. Heading off now?”

“Yes. I’ve got some errands to run.”

She walked him to the door. “See you on Saturday.”

“Yes. I’ll see you then. By the way, you look amazing in that outfit.”

Happiness could be seen in her smile. “Thank you.”

“Goodbye, Pia.”

“Goodbye, Cye.” She waved at him and then closed the door. Leaning against it, she she thought of what he had said. It was the first time since they had known each other that he had paid her such a compliment. It felt wonderful. She couldn’t wait to see his reaction to the dress she was going to wear to the party. A smile tugged at her lips.

Source: iBelieve