I was on my way to see Mandy. I wasn’t looking forward to the reason why I called and asked her to meet me but it was something I had to do. I had been putting it off for weeks now. I couldn’t continue to be in a relationship with her when I wanted to be with Jully.
It was no use continuing with the charade. I had fallen hard for Jully. I wanted to be with her all the time. I wanted to be her man more than anything else in the world. Neither of those things was possible as long as I was still dating Mandy.
I felt really bad about breaking up with Mandy and I was filled with dread. I chose to do it at her place rather than mine because I thought it would be best. It’s private and she would feel more comfortable there than at my place. Besides, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her driving home alone in an emotional state.
I stood across from the building where she lived as I thought about how I would break up with her. I wanted to do it gracefully, without hurting her too much. Hunching my shoulders, I go to the intersection and cross over. I hope she wouldn’t ask me if there was someone else. If she did, I would have to be honest and my honesty will hurt.
I slipped into the building when a man pushed open the door and while he went to check the mail box, I headed to the elevators. I stepped inside and pressed the button for Mandy’s floor. As the doors closed, I shoved my hands in my pockets as I rehearsed what I was going to say.
I stepped off the elevator and walked down the brightly lit corridor to Mandy’s apartment. The carpet muffled my footsteps. I paused outside of her door before I rang the bell.
She answered the door right away. “Hi,” she greeted me.
“Hi,” I replied. We hugged briefly before she opened the door wider for me to go inside. While she closed it, I removed my shoes. We went into the living-room but neither of us sat down.
“You sounded very serious on the phone,” she said as she leaned against the wall.
I took a deep breath before I said, “What I’m about to tell you is going to hurt and I’m truly sorry about that.”
“What it is?”
“Mandy, it’s not fair for me to pretend that this relationship will continue to work when my heart and attention are somewhere else. You deserve much better and to be with someone who treat you right and love only you. I won’t forget the special times we’ve shared together and I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I just didn’t want things to continue as they are because I respect you.”
There was a long silence. She stood there staring at me. Then, she asked, “You’re breaking up with me?”
“Yes.”
“You mentioned that your heart and attention are somewhere else. Are you breaking up with me because of another woman?”
“Yes.”
She covered her face and began to cry. I went over to her and put my arm around her shoulder. She pushed me away. “So, who is this other woman?” she demanded. “How long have you been seeing her?”
I told her everything–when I met Jully and how often we had been seeing each other. “I’m so sorry that I’m causing you this pain right now. I hope you can see I needed to be honest because I don’t want to cause more hurt later.”
“You thought I would feel better knowing that you were cheating on me with this woman?” she cried angrily. “You think I should be grateful to you for being honest?”
“Mandy, I know you’re upset and I totally understand but I haven’t cheated on you.”
“You expect me to believe that you and she haven’t already slept together?”
“I swear to you that we haven’t.”
“But, if you had the opportunity to sleep with her, you would have done so, wouldn’t you?”
I couldn’t deny that if I had the opportunity to sleep with Jully, I would have grabbed it in a heartbeat and that made me feel like a total jerk. I couldn’t blame Mandy if she hated me. I would hate me too if I were in her place. “I get that you’re angry; you have every right to be.”
“Don’t patronize me, Aaron.”
“I’m not patronizing you, Mandy. I just wanted you to know that I understand how you feel. You’re hurt and angry.”
“Are you in love with this woman?”
“Mandy–“
“Are you in love with her?”
“Yes.”
“Damn you,” she cried, beating at my chest. “Damn you to hell.” Fresh tears were running down her face.
I caught her wrists and tried to console her. “Mandy, I’m so sorry–“
She wrenched her hands away and slapped me hard across the face. “You can take your pathetic sorry and stuff it. Now, get out!”
I turned and walked away. As I was closing the door behind I heard her crying again.
Notes to Women 