I am my beloved’s, And his desire is toward me – Song of Solomon 7:10 – NKJV
Sex isn’t just about procreation. It’s about pleasure too–pleasure between a husband and wife. It is a loving, intimate act between the two people who have become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Sex existed before the fall of man so it should never been viewed as a shameful or embarrassing act. It is a beautiful way for a man and his wife to express their love for each other.
In the Song of Solomon, we see the king take pleasure in his wife whose “breasts be like clusters of the vine, The fragrance of your breath like apples, And the roof of your mouth like the best wine.” And she took delight in knowing “that I am my beloved’s, And his desire is toward me.“
Nothing is more precious than a man enjoying the love of his wife and vice versa. It is important that they appreciate each other and do not look elsewhere for what they should be giving each other. King Solomon encouraged husbands to, “Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love.” (Proverbs 5:18, 19, NKJV).
According to the Bible, the only sex that God approves of is married sex. Sex outside of marriage is considered a sin. Hebrews 13:4 states, Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. Sex between unmarried people or between someone who is married and a married or unmarried person is a no no. Marriage is sacred and a holy institution of God. The husband and wife are to remain faithful to each other in thoughts and deeds throughout their marriage. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, terminated only by death, not divorce. And it is important that it is a loving marriage, a partnership between the man and the woman, with the man being the head of the family and the woman his second-in-command.
Divorce is permissible only in the case of adultery. And, I believe in the case of spousal abuse. A battered man or woman should not be expected to remain in such a situation. Leaving such a marriage could save the life of the abused victim.
Sex should be enjoyed by both people. It should be a selfless and giving act. Couples are encouraged to, “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does (1 Corinthians 7:3, 4). This does not mean give either of them the right to just take what they want, regardless of how the other feels or wants. Sex should be mutual enjoyment for both.
And when one of them isn’t in the mood, they should both find a workable solution. Paul’s advice to advised the couple was, “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (verse 5). Having sex or not having sex should be a decision which both of them should make.
Sex is also a time for a husband and wife to be unashamedly naked in front of each other. There should be no inhibitions between them and engage freely. A man should feel free to pleasure his wife and vice versa. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom as long as what sexual activities they engage in are not contrary God’s Word such as S&M (sadism and masochism), BDSM (‘bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism’) or erotic domestic discipline or anal sex.
With regard to oral sex, it’s up to the couple. If the husband or wife isn’t comfortable doing it, talking about it and sharing the reasons why with their spouse would be very helpful. There should never be any pressure to engage in something they are uncomfortable with.
Sex between a man and his wife is a beautiful thing. It is lovemaking. A physical and emotional act between two people who love each other. Sex is amazing and it should be enjoyed within the confines of marriage between a man and a woman. It is a gift of giving. You give each other yourselves. You give each other pleasure. In Song of Solomon 4:16, the king’s beloved invites him to, “…come to his garden And eat its pleasant fruits.” This would suggest that oral sex is permissible between a husband and wife.
Married sex is the best sex. Enjoy the wife of your youth and the husband which God has blessed you with. Singles are encouraged not to engage in premarital sex. “It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:1, 2, 8-9).
Paul encouraged those who were single to remain single but it was hard for them to do that, it would be better for them to marry instead of having sex outside of marriage. Sex was meant to be between a man and woman who are married to each other not between a married man or woman and someone who is not his or her spouse. Sex God’s way is the only way.
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality – 1 Thessalonians 4:3