Which is Worse?

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“Which is worse?” Annie asked Not being able to have children or having a child and then losing that child to an illness or to some tragedy?”

“I think not being able to have children is worse,” Robyn replied.

Annie stared at her. “So, you would rather have a child and go through the pain of losing that child?”

“Yes. I would like to experience what it is like to be a mother–to care for and love the child God has blessed me with even if it’s for a short time.”

Annie shook her head. “I don’t think I could go through that. It would be tough for me to have to bury my child. I’ve seen a few of my friends and co-workers bury their children after losing them to an illness or a tragedy and it’s just heartbreaking. I would rather not be a mother period than to be a grieving mother.”

Nina looked at both of them. “I don’t think one is worse than the other. They are both painful. I know women who have lived with the pain of infertility for years. Being childless wasn’t their choice. They wanted to have children but couldn’t because of medical reasons. I’ve seen marriages end because of infertility. And losing a child is something no parent should ever have to go through. For some women, almost anything would be easier than living without one of their children. It doesn’t matter how many children you have, losing one will always be tough. The void that child leaves behind can never be filled.”

“You’ve experienced both, haven’t you, Nina?” Lisa said, covering her hand, her eyes filled with compassion.

“Yes. It took a long time for me to get pregnant but, finally I did. Jon and I had Carrie, a beautiful, healthy girl. We had seven and a half wonderful years with her. Then, the unthinkable happened, she died a minute into the surgery to have her tonsils removed. Jon and I still don’t understand how that could have happened. Going into the surgery, she wasn’t afraid nor were we. No one expected her to die. The only thing which got us through our grief was our faith in God who knows best. Carrie is resting in peace and one day, she, her Dad and I will be reunited when Jesus comes again.”

“It’s good to have faith. It keeps you strong and full of hope,” Annie said blinking back tears. “I’m so sorry I brought up such a painful subject.”

“Let’s talk about something else,” Lisa suggested.

“I met a new guy,” Robyn volunteered.

Nina smiled. “Tell us all about him.”

Infertility and the loss of a child are both extremely painful. Family and professional support, faith and grief counseling are options. I know what it’s like to lose a child and my heart goes out to those parents who have had to lay their children to rest. I’ll never forget the seven year old girl who died during tonsillectomy. Their faith in God was what got her parents through their grief. God has been my Strength and Anchor during my times of grief too and the hope of seeing my precious son again on resurrection day.

Source: New York Post;