“I’m sorry, Jillian, but it’s over between us.”
“I don’t love you.” I guess I should have made this one of those carpeted confessions, you know soften the blow a bit.
“How could you say that you don’t love me, Jozsef? We’ve been together for four years. Everyone thought that we would get married and–“
“Well, everyone was wrong. I never gave you or anyone the idea that we were going to get married. Marriage isn’t something I have even considered. It’s a big step that, frankly, I don’t think I want to take.”
“So, you don’t want to get married, ever?”
“I didn’t say that it was something I would never do.”
“You just don’t want to marry me, is that it?”
“This isn’t about marriage. This is about our relationship. We’ve been together for four years and we had great times but I don’t think it’s fair to you to continue our relationship when I don’t love you.”
“So, you’re saying that you never loved me?” her voice trembled and I could see that she was close to tears. I dragged my fingers through my hair in frustration. I hated to see a woman cry.
“I cared for you very deeply but I didn’t love you. I’m sorry, Jill.”
“I can’t believe that this is happening. I thought you loved me and–and now you’re telling me that you-you never did.” That’s when she lost it and began to sob.
I got up from the steps and went over to her. I took her in my arms and held her. “I’m sorry, Jill. I never meant to hurt you–“
She pulled away from me, her wet eyes flashing at me. “You didn’t mean to hurt me but you have. Do you have any idea how it feels to hear the man you love say that he never loved you?”
I felt like a total jerk at that moment but there wasn’t anything I could do or say to make her feel better. The truth was out and the relationship was over. The best thing to do now was to pack my things and leave. No point hanging around anymore.
“I’ll go and pack my things,” I mumbled and walked out of the living-room.
She was sitting on the sofa, crying when I went into the living-room. I stood there for a few minutes watching her and then, I turned and headed for the foyer. I grabbed my coat, put it on, left my key on the table there and left the apartment for good.
I stayed with my brother, Sandro until I could get my own place. His wife, Kristie wasn’t thrilled with me. “What you did to Jill is unforgivable,” she said. “That poor girl thought that you loved her and were going to marry her.”
“Would you have rather that I continued to be in the relationship even though I didn’t love her?”
“It took four years for you to realize that you don’t love her?” Kristie exclaimed. “I find that very hard to believe.”
“It’s the truth,” I insisted. “I cared very much for her but I didn’t love her. She should be with a guy who does.”
“She thought that you were that guy, Jozsef. That’s why she invested four years of her life in the relationship.”
I tried not to lose my cool. “I invested four years too but as soon as I realized how I really felt, I did the decent thing and ended it.”
“I personally wish that you two had never met. That poor girl wouldn’t be crying her eyes out now. When I’m finished having dinner, I will pop over there and see her.”
From that moment on, my relationship with my sister-in-law was rocky. Suffice to say, I was happy when I found a flat. I moved in right away. Perhaps now there wouldn’t be any more arguments in the dark between Sandro and Kristie on my account. The last thing I wanted was to wreck their marriage.