I didn’t mean to sleep with Jae-woo (I call him Jae) but it happened. I had just broken up with Lawrence, my boyfriend of two years and I was angry because I found that he had been cheating on me with Shondra who was supposed to be my friend. I confronted her about it and told her that I wanted nothing more to do with her. She was upset and cried but I didn’t care.
Did she even think about me when she was with Lawrence–about how her actions would hurt me? Was it because she didn’t think I would find out? How could she do it? How could she cross that line? I have had friends’ boyfriends hit on me and never once did I ever hook up with any of them. Self-respect and loyalty to my friends prevented me from doing that but not Shondra. I later found out that she always had her eye on Lawrence.
So, the day after I broke up with Lawrence which was a Saturday, I ran into Jae and we went to a Mexican eatery for lunch. I felt sick afterwards because I think I ate too many tacos. Anyway, I went home and collapsed on the sofa where I spent most of the afternoon.
Jae called me that evening and we talked for a while. The next day, he came over and we talked some more. I vented about Lawrence. He sat there and listened. That was one of the great things about Jae. He was a really good listener.
When I was done talking, Jae took my hand and said, “I’m sorry about what happened with Lawrence. I can see that you’re still cut up about it. I’m here if you need someone to talk to or to just have around.”
I nodded, grateful for his friendship and I reached up and touched his face. He covered my hand, holding it in place before he turned his head and kissed the palm. My reaction startled me. Heat rushed through my body, making me tremble. My breath quickened.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled and removed his hand from mine.
I didn’t remove mine. Instead, I leaned closer so that our faces were inches apart. “Don’t be,” I murmured. I could feel his warm breath on my forehead and hear his heavy breathing.
And then, we were kissing. Lawrence and Shondra went clean out of my mind and all I could think about was how good it felt to be kissing Jae, something I never imagined I would be doing and we have known each other since we were in high-school. He was my best male friend. And now, I was kissing him like a woman who had been repressed all of her life and was suddenly liberated.
I dragged his tee shirt off and ran my hands eagerly over his bare skin. In a matter of minutes we were both naked and on the carpet kissing and clawing at each other. We ended up having sex right then and there. When it was over, I got up and went for a robe. When I returned to the living-room, he was getting dressed. We didn’t say much to each other and he left soon after.
I avoided him for a while although I couldn’t get what we did out of my mind. It had never been like that with Lawrence–so wild and out of control. I was like a wild animal. And even after I felt ashamed of what had happened, I found myself wanting to do it again.
At nights, I lay in bed, frustrated and filled with an intense longing. I wanted Jae. I wanted him so badly, I felt like I was going quietly out of my mind. How could that be? How could I be feeling this way about him when I was supposed to be cut up about Lawrence whom I was supposed to have loved?
For weeks, I struggled with that. I tried to bury myself in my work and not think about my life and how crazy it was. I tried not to think about Jae or wonder what he was doing or if he was with another woman. I had to face up to the fact that I didn’t love Lawrence. I cared about him but I didn’t love him. I never did.
I was hurt that he had cheated on me which was natural, after all we were supposed to be in a monogamous relationship but I was no longer cut up about it. I wasn’t angry with him and Shondra anymore. I even managed to forgive them.
Weeks passed until it finally it got to the point where I couldn’t stand it any longer. I had to see Jae. I went to the exercise field where I knew that I would find him on a Saturday morning at a certain time.
He was there. My heartbeat accelerated with each step. He was doing sit-ups and was surprised to see me.
“Hi,” I said as I stood looking down at him, thinking how good he looked and remembering the last time I saw him when he was lying naked on the carpet in my living-room.
He scrambled to his feet. “Hi.”
“How have you been?”
“Fine, I guess. How about you?”
“You look great.”
“Thanks. So-so do you.”
“I miss you, Kylie. It has been a month since the last time we saw each other.”
“You have been avoiding me. You haven’t returned any of my calls or answered any of my texts. Are you feeling badly about what happened between us?”
“You’re right. I have been avoiding you because of what happened between us. I was all confused and mixed up inside. I thought I was in love with Lawrence and that’s why I couldn’t understand why what happened between you and me happened.”
“For my part, it is something I have always wanted. Even when we were dating other people, I wanted you.”
It thrilled me to know that he had wanted me all these years. If I had known, I wouldn’t have dated any of those guys and Lawrence. “So, where do we go from here?”
“It’s up to you,” he said quietly, his expression inscrutable.
“Are you doing anything tonight?”
“Come over to my place tonight at eight.”
He smiled. “I’ll be there.”
“Good. See you then.”
Before I turned and walked away, he leaned over and gave me an open-mouth kiss on my lips, making my head spin and setting my body on fire. I couldn’t wait for tonight to come.