He stood at the window, staring at the Thames River in the distance and thinking about Tamar. Thinking about when he woke up the morning after they made love and she was gone. She left a note letting him know that she would be by to pick him up later to take him over to Uncle Vivian’s barbecue.
She called him from the front desk and he went down. They stared at each other for several minutes before they hugged briefly. Then, she was walking towards the revolving doors. He followed her. “You were gone when I woke up this morning,” he said as they were pulling out of the lot.
“I had to leave,” she said. “I usually do my housekeeping and laundry on Sundays.”
“Are you sorry about what happened between us?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“You know why, Re. We’re cousins. What we did was wrong.”
“So, what do we do now? Do we pretend that it didn’t happen? Do we go back to how things were between us before it happened?”
“I-I know that we can’t pretend that it didn’t happen or go back to how we used to be but we can’t let it happen again.”
“How do we stop ourselves from feeling?” he demanded. “How could I stop myself from reliving every moment you and I were together? How could I stop myself from wanting you?”
“Re, please stop–“
“You might as well tell me to stop breathing.”
“After-after I drop you back to your hotel later, I–I don’t think we should see each other apart from the family anymore.”
“So, I guess this means that Friday’s off.”
“Yes. I-I don’t think it would be a good idea for you and me to be alone in my apartment.”
He dragged his fingers through his hair, his expression one of frustration and anguish. This was sheer torture. He wanted to hold her hand, kiss her…”If it’s what you really want, I’ll respect your wishes,” he muttered tightly.
They didn’t say much for the rest of the drive. When they got to the barbecue, they parted company. He tried to have a good time but his heart was heavy. He didn’t know how he was going to get through Aunt Olive’s get-together on Saturday. He was relieved when it was time to leave.
The drive to the hotel was quiet. “I have to use your bathroom,” Tamar told him. “I should have gone before we left.”
“Sure.”
She parked close to the hotel and they walked the rest of the way. The ride up to the suite was quiet too. While she went to the bathroom, he stood at the window, looking out.
“Thank you,” she said when she came into the living-room. They stared at each other for several minutes. “Re, I–I didn’t need to go,” she confessed. “It–It was just an excuse to come up to your suite and—“
With a groan, he pulled her roughly against him and his mouth was on hers. She put her arms around his waist and kissed him back. That lasted for several minutes before he scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom. She left after they had breakfast in the room.
She went to his hotel suite every night, except Friday when she had him over at her apartment for dinner. On Sunday, she took him to Pearson Airport. They stood facing each other and then hugged tightly. “I love you,” he muttered thickly.
“I love you too,” she replied tremulously.
When they parted, she was crying. It was tough walking away from her. And now he was back in London, miserable and missing her like crazy.
Moving away from the window, he went over to the phone. “Fernanda, I need to see you. May I come over to your flat this evening? Yes, I can be there in an hour. I’ll see you then. Goodbye.”
After he hung up the phone, he went and had a shower. His dinner sat on the kitchen counter, untouched. He didn’t have much of an appetite.
An hour later, he faced Fernanda who was looking at him with a troubled expression on her face. She could tell that something was wrong. Taking a deep breath, he said, “Fernanda, things have changed for me since I came back to London and one of those things has to do with our relationship.”
“What do you mean?” she asked warily.
He dragged his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know quite how to say this.”
“Just say it, Re.”
“My future is with someone else.”
She stared at him, stunned. Several minutes passed before she could say anything. “Someone you met in the three weeks you were in Toronto?”
“No, it’s someone I have known for a long time.”
“So, when you saw this woman again after all of these years you realized that she’s the one you want to be with?”
“Something like that.”
She stood there, shaking her head. The anguish on her beautiful face pierced his heart. “I don’t believe this. All the time I was here, missing you and longing for when you come back so that we could together, you were rekindling an old flame?”
“Fernanda, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen–“
“But it did. Who is this woman?”
“She’s close to the family.” How could he tell her that it was his cousin, Tamar?
“Are you in love with her?”
“Yes.”
“Querido Deus,” she muttered brokenly, the tears coming now.
He tried to hug her but she pushed him away. “I’m so sorry…”
“Please go,” she said. “I don’t want to look at you any more. Please go.”
He lingered for a moment and then he walked past her. Minutes later, he let himself out of her flat.
Source: Life Hack;
Notes to Women 