No Secrets

I woke up one morning with the conviction that I must tell Janelle the truth about Pamela. I knew that this conviction was coming from God. He wanted me to come clean with Janelle. There should be no secrets between us. It was keeping Pamela’s existence secret which had caused so much heartache. After wrestling with it for a while, I decided that I would do what God said. He knew best and I trusted Him.

There was a time when I was angry with Him for not raising a red flag before Pamela and I started dating. Then, I realized that it was He who had impressed me to show my mother Pamela’s photo. I hadn’t planned on doing so because she was going to meet her that weekend. It was just as well because the rest of the family would have been there and would have learnt the truth about Pamela.

I could just imagine them looking at us in shock and disgust and my poor mother trying to explain to them that Pamela and I didn’t know that we were related. And even if she convinced them that we were innocent, they would have treated me differently and never let me forget that I was unknowingly in an incestuous relationship with a half-sister I didn’t even know I had.

I tried to imagine how Janelle would react but I couldn’t. I hoped that she wouldn’t be repulsed and want nothing more to do with me. That was what scared me the most–losing her. I prayed about it, trying to wriggle out of doing it and explained to God that I was terrified of losing Janelle. And these words came to my mind, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” It was God encouraging me to trust Him instead of worrying about the outcome.

It’s Sunday afternoon and Janelle and I are standing in the foyer of my flat. She just came from a friend’s bridal shower at a restaurant. She looked beautiful in a pants suit which fitted her nicely. After we hugged and kissed, we went into the living-room. While she sat down on the sofa, I remained standing. I leaned against the wall, my heart pounding. I was extremely nervous and afraid. I wasn’t sure that I could go through with it.

She looked at me. “Why are you standing over there?” she asked. “Come and join me.” She patted the empty seat. “We can talk or make out.”

I swallowed hard. “Janelle, I–I have something I need to tell you.”

The smile and come hither look left her face. She looked wary. “What’s wrong?” she asked, getting up from the sofa and walking over to me.

After taking a very deep breath, I told her everything. I watched the play of emotions on her face. When I was finished, there was a long silence. “I–I told you because I didn’t want there to be any secrets between us.”

She raised her hands and held her head, a stunned expression on her face. “Oh, my goodness,” she muttered. “Oh, my goodness.”

Dread filled me. My hands began to shake and my legs gave way under me. I slid to the floor. My life was over, I thought. Despair fell over me. This was too much for her to handle. She was going to walk out of my flat and out of my life for good. I closed my eyes and moaned.

Then, she was on the floor, hugging me and saying over and over, “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

I hugged her tightly and whispered, “I thought you would be disgusted and not want to be with me anymore.”

She drew back and holding my face between her hands, she said, “I’m not disgusted,” she said. “You didn’t know that she was your sister. And as soon as you found out, you ended the relationship.”

“I had to. I was disgusted and sickened by it. But, even after I knew I still loved her.”

“You’re a man not a machine, Colin. You can’t switch your feelings on and off.”

“I couldn’t bear to look at her or be around her. She wanted to continue our relationship but I refused. The thought of us together made me sick to my stomach. I was cruel to her and for a long time I blamed myself for her death. If I hadn’t been so callous, she wouldn’t have gotten upset and run out of my flat. She would still be alive.”

“I’m sorry for what happened. I can’t imagine how devastating the truth must have been for both of you. I know that it was wrong of Pamela to want to ignore the truth and continue your relationship but that doesn’t make her a bad or sick person. It would be unbelievably hard to walk away from the man she loved.”

“Yes. I realize that now.”

“Thank you for telling me everything.”

“I was terrified of losing you but God told me to do it.”

“I’m glad He did and you’re not going to lose me. Don’t you know by now that I’m madly in love with you?”

“Oh, Janelle,” I groaned, pulling her on to my lap. “I’m madly in love with you too.” My eyes were moist as they met hers.

She put her arms around my neck and kissed me. Several minutes later, we got up from the floor and went to the bedroom where we spent the rest of the morning. That evening, I took her and my mother out for dinner at my mother’s favorite restaurant where I discovered the truth about Pamela. The past was behind me. My future was with Janelle.

As I expected, she and my mother hit it off and when I later confided in my mother that I was going to ask Janelle to marry me, she was over the moon. “God has answered my prayer. You have found the right woman.” She also said that I did the right thing telling Janelle the truth and that she was sorry for discouraging me from doing so. “Secrets destroy relationships and lives.”

It was when we were on the beach in Aruba that I proposed to Janelle. She was laughing and crying at the same time but she managed to say yes. The following June, we got married. Ronald was my best man and Juanita was Janelle’s Matron of Honor. Sadly, a couple of months after our first child was born, my beloved mother passed away. It was a tremendous loss for me. I’m thankful, though, that she lived to see me settle down and hold her first grandchild. We named our second child, a beautiful girl, after her.

Source: ibelieve

This is the sequel for Together Again.