The pleasure was so intense that I cried out and that’s when I woke up. I sat up in bed, my heart racing and my breath coming in short gasps. The room was dark except for the moonlight streaming through the windows. I looked over to where Linus was. He was fast asleep, thankfully. We slept in separate beds like married couples in movies and television shows in the 40s and 50s.
We have been married for five years and we have never had any sexual relations. He wanted companionship and I wanted security. He’s in his 60s and I am in my 30s. He’s a wonderful, caring man who treats me well. I love him but am not in love with him. His family doesn’t approve of our marriage. His siblings and his children from his previous marriage think that I’m after his money. They have already threatened to contest his will if he leaves everything to me. It doesn’t matter to them that I’m still working because I still want to earn my own living. I could tell them that I don’t care about his money until I’m blue in the face and they wouldn’t believe me. So, I have given up trying and I don’t care what they think about me anymore. As long as Linus is happy, that’s all that matters. And that’s why I can’t do anything to jeopardize his happiness.
Guilt consumes me now because I just woke from having a hot and steamy dream about Chatan, one of my employees. From the moment we met, the chemistry was there and was highly combustible. I was afraid to be alone with him but there were times when we were and we couldn’t keep our eyes off each other. He knows that I’m married and he tries to be respectful of that but it’s hard. Many times, he has asked me to have lunch with him and I have refused even though I was tempted. I would have my lunch at my desk or sometimes with Linus when he wasn’t busy or bogged down with meetings.
I sat there on the bed, listening to Linus’ breathing. He was leaving for Chicago on business later that morning. I was afraid of being here alone. I wish I could drop everything and go with him but I couldn’t. I have a company to run. And what happened if I were to have another dream about Chatan while in Chicago? Shaking my head, I slipped out of the bed, pulled on my dressing-gown and went to get myself a glass of water. The mansion was so quiet. Only the ticking of the grandfather clock in the massive hall could be heard. I leaned against the counter, wondering what to do. I couldn’t fire or transfer Chatan because I was attracted to him. I would just have to make sure that we were never alone together. I couldn’t prevent the dreams but I could make sure that they didn’t come true. I wanted to be a faithful wife, not just because I cared about Linus but I’m a Christian. Adultery is a sin.
I went back to bed. It took a while for me to fall back to sleep. When I woke up, the sunlight was streaming through the windows. Linus’ bed was empty which meant that he was downstairs having breakfast before heading to the airport. I got up, showered and dressed. I went straight to the breakfast room. Linus smiled when he saw me. “Good Morning, my Dear,” he said.
I went over to him and kissed him on his forehead. “Good Morning. What time is your flight?”
“Ten-fifteen. Are you going to be all right for the two weeks I’ll be gone?”
I sat down at the other end of the table and unfolded my napkin before I replied. “Yes, I’ll be fine.”
“If you get bored being here you can go up to the cottage for the weekends.”
“I’ll think about it. Call me as soon as you arrive at the hotel.”
“I will,” he promised. He talked about what he had read in the News and other things. Then, it was time for him to leave. We left the breakfast room, arm in arm. I accompanied him to the waiting limo and after kissing him on the cheek, he settled into the back seat. I waved as the car pulled away and watched it until it disappeared from my view before I went back into the mansion.
Twenty minutes later, I was on the highway heading for the office. My heart skipped a beat every time I thought about Chatan. How was I going to face him now, especially after having that racy dream? My breath caught in my throat when I remembered how passionately we were kissing and our sweaty naked bodies entwined. My fingers gripped the steering wheel. Stop thinking about the dream and stop thinking about him. I switched on the radio and turned it to a station where they played Christian music.
When I arrived at the office, I mumbled “Good Morning,” to Chatan, with barely a glance in his direction. I unlocked the door to my spacious office which faced the Thames River and went in. I removed my jacket and hung it on the rack behind the door. I sorted through the mail in my in-box before I decided to fix myself a cup of tea. I went into the kitchenette.
As I stood there, letting the tea bag soak, Chatan walked in. My heart lurched and I wanted to bolt. I tried to avoid looking at him but it was pointless. I couldn’t prevent my eyes from traveling over his tall, gorgeous frame in the blue and white striped shirt which was unbuttoned revealing a bit of his chest and the black trousers which fitted his well defined thighs snugly. His hair wasn’t in its usual ponytail. I wanted so badly to run my fingers through the black, silky strands…
“Good Morning,” he said softly, his brown eyes meeting mine squarely. “Did you have a good weekend?”
“Good Morning,” I mumbled. “Yes–yes, I did. What-what about you?”
“My weekend was uneventful.”
“Those are the best kind, I think.” Why did I have to sound so breathless?
“Actually, I’m not being completely honest. I had another dream about you.”
“Another dream?” I was stunned to find out that he had dreamed about me before.
“Yes. This one felt as real as the others. It was so intense.”
“What was it about?” my voice sounded a tad high.
“I’m not sure I should tell you.”
“Oh.” It suddenly felt very hot in the kitchenette. I wondered if it was as racy like mine.
“I know the Bible says that we shouldn’t covet what someone else has but I can’t help wanting what your husband has.”
“Please, we-we shouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He excused himself and left.
I stood there, trembling. He wanted me and I wanted him. What were we going to do? How long could we go on like this? I don’t know how long I was in the kitchenette but my secretary, Sally came looking for me to remind me that I had a conference call in ten minutes.
Chatan and I stayed clear of each other as much as professionally possible. It was around five-thirty when everyone was gone and I was logging off my computer when he walked into my office and straight up to my desk. I looked up at him, nervous and wary. “I—I thought you had already left.”
“I stayed behind because I need to talk to you.”
I swallowed hard. The expression on his face alarmed me. “What is it?”
“I’m going to resign and I wanted to give you two weeks’ notice.”
For several minutes I was too stunned to say anything. When I finally managed to speak, all I could ask was, “Why?”
“You know why. I can’t stay here any longer. It’s too hard.”
“Where are you going to go?”
“I don’t know.”
The thought of never seeing him again was unbearable. “Will-will I ever see you again?”
“No,” he replied, his expression tense as he gazed down into my upturned face. “I’m not a masochist.”
I rose to my feet. “Chatan–” I was about to beg him to reconsider when my phone rang. I picked up the receiver. It was Linus. “Hello, Linus.” I tried to sound cheerful but my heart was heavy. I watched as Chatan walked briskly out of my office. It was at that moment, I realized that I was in love with him.
A couple of years have passed since Chatan left the company. I think about him every day and miss him like crazy. The office just isn’t the same without him. Some one new is sitting at his desk. I’m having more dreams about him and they are so real. I feel guilty each time. Linus and I have been spending more time together. We recently returned from a vacation in Maui.
It’s a week after Linus celebrated his sixty-fifth birthday and I’m very concerned about him. He hasn’t been feeling well and has been experiencing a recurrent chest pain. The doctor has ordered him to have complete bed rest in spite of his objections. His trusted associate is running the business. I fuss over him which he seems to enjoy. His lawyer stopped by to finalize his will.
Linus seemed to be doing well but this morning, he suffered from a sudden cardiac arrest and was rushed to the hospital. I was beside myself with fear and worry. I went into the chapel and prayed. His daughters and son and other family members came. They didn’t acknowledge me. I didn’t care. When the doctor came out into the waiting area, his face was grim and my heart sank. He told me that Linus had passed away. I broke down and cried. It was one of the nurses who comforted me.
I was numb when Linus’ associate who was also present took me home. He was very kind to me and offered to stay with me for a while. After he left, I showered and went to bed but couldn’t sleep. The next few days were a blur. He helped me with the funeral arrangements. A couple of days after the funeral, the will was read in the drawing-room with the family gathered. At my request, Linus left his entire fortune to his grandchildren. I didn’t want anything except a few paintings. The money he left me, I gave to Save the Children. I moved out of the mansion in Weybridge which I had called home for five wonderful years and moved into a trendy penthouse facing the Thames River.
I visit Linus’ grave often and leave fresh flowers. I miss him. He was a special man. I have no doubt that I will see him in Heaven one day.
It was a Sunday afternoon and I was walking through Hyde park, enjoying the sunshine when someone called out my name. I turned around and my heart lurched. It was Chatan. As I stood there in disbelief, he hurried over to me. He looked as gorgeous as ever. His hair fell in thick waves about his broad shoulders. His eyes as they stared into mine made my pulse race. “Hello,” he said in that sexy voice of his. “I was planning to stop by the office tomorrow to see you. I heard about your husband. I’m so very sorry.”
“Thank you. It was a painful loss. I was truly blessed to have spent five happy years with him.”
“How are you?”
“I’m fine. I’m living in London now.”
“It’s so good to see you.”
“It’s-it’s good to see you too. How have you been?”
“Fine. A couple of weeks after I left the company, I found a job. It’s great. It pays well and the people are very nice.”
“Are-are you still single?” I prayed that he was. It would break my heart if he wasn’t.
He smiled. “Yes.”
Relief washed over me. “I thought some woman would have snapped you up by now.”
The smile faded. “There’s only one woman in the world for me and that’s you. My heart and my soul belong to you.”
“Oh, Chatan,” I cried and then, I was enveloped in his strong arms and we were kissing. I’m sure people passing by stared at us but I didn’t care. Chatan and I were together and there was nothing standing in our way now.