Remember those times when you and he were dating how you used to be on the phone for hours? You never seemed to run out of conversation. There were no awkward moments. The conversation just flowed. And when you were together, the time just seemed to fly because you were having so much fun? And the only times you were not together was when you were at work. There were those occasions when you were with your family but more often than not, you were with him. It was torture being apart and total bliss when you were together. There were times when you would go out with other couples but for the most part, you and he preferred to be alone, enjoying each other’s company.
Things quickly got serious between the two of you and pretty soon you are planning your wedding. The big day finally arrives and you walk up the aisle, your eyes sparkling with excitement. Your heart leaps when you see him standing there, smiling at you. You gaze at each other as the vows are exchanged and then the minister pronounces that you are husband and wife. After you kiss, you stroll arm in arm down the aisle in the midst of a sea of smiling faces. After the reception, you go on your honeymoon where you enjoy a week in paradise, wishing you could stay there for the rest of your lives.
Life is wonderful as you settle into being a wife to your new husband. Then, you have children…
Suddenly it’s no longer just the two of you. Now there are four of you. In my case, there are three of us. When I was on maternity leave, I was so happy when my husband came home. I needed adult conversation and company after spending all day with a baby/toddler. I didn’t feel attractive so I didn’t feel romantic. We didn’t have anyone to babysit and we didn’t feel comfortable getting a stranger to do it so we were stuck. We couldn’t go out for a romantic dinner. We had to settle for entertaining ourselves at home while trying not to disturb our son.
Now, it’s a matter of trying to find time for each other. During the week, it’s a challenge. By the time we come in from work, we are tired. Sometimes we have to prepare dinner. After we eat, we have to spend time with our son before he goes to bed. Then we have to clean up and have our baths. By the time we are finished doing these things, there’s not much time for us to relax. We have gotten into a rut where we end up watching television or a movie instead of spending quality time together. We don’t talk as much as we used to. We are not bonding as we used to. It’s not much different on the weekends. Our son and other things demand our attention. And there is hardly any “us” time.
When a couple doesn’t spend quality time together, their relationship suffers. The spark starts to flicker and if nothing is done about it, it will go out. Ladies, what can we do to keep the spark alive? I came across these tips which I plan to put into action. I hope you will find them helpful too. Instead of writing the tips word for word, I rephrased them as best as I could.
Date Your Spouse
Go out for a date. Set up a date night schedule. This will help you to have quality time together and reconnect after a hectic week. It gives you the opportunity to appreciate each other and to unwind.
Surprise
It’s nice to surprise your spouse from time to time. It can be as simple as leaving a note on the fridge or flowers at the office or tickets to a fun event. Make a special meal for each other. Dress up sometimes.
Prioritize Each Other
Make time for each other. It’s not easy when you have children but you must make the effort. Without your marriage, there would be no foundation for your family. Besides, you will be setting an example for your children when it comes to good/bad relationships. Set a good example. Make sure that your spouse knows how much you value them and that life wouldn’t be the same without them. Don’t assume that they know this. Tell them.
Be Affectionate
Show your spouse how much they mean to you not only in words but in actions. Hug and kiss them.
Be Spontaneous
It’s hard to be spontaneous when you are raising a family and juggling so many things at once but it’s a good idea to change things up a bit. Instead of your regular dinner plan, how about having a picnic or eating out? Instead of staying in over the weekend – go out. Be adventurous and steer away from the norm. Spontaneity in your life will help to keep the spark alive (Belief Net).
Add Some Playfulness Into Your Marriage
This is a way of breaking out of a routine. You can sneak in a quickie before making dinner.
Talk to Your Partner
Instead of watching television, talk to each other. Sit outside and enjoy the weather while the kids are in bed (Canadian Living)
Respect
Show each other the same respect you did when you were dating. Let others know that it is an honor for you to be with the one you love. Speak kindly and listen to one another again.
Gift Giving
You don’t have to give elaborate gifts. A random card with a note letting them know you are thinking about them would do very nicely.
Studying One Another
Ask each other questions like you are meeting for the first time. You might find out that the things you thought were true or what may have been true 20 years ago isn’t the case anymore (What Christians Want to Know).
Talk to couples who have been married for 40 years and over. Find out the secret of their success.
Have fun trying to keep the spark alive in your marriage. If anyone has any tips they would like to share, I would love to hear from you.
Sources: Belief Net; What Christians Want to Know; Canadian Living
Notes to Women 