Last September, my husband and I attended Parent Night to learn about our son’s curriculum and to get tips from the teachers. The month’s focus is “getting to know you” and getting to know the new classroom. Our son is now in the Blue Jay room.
There are three teachers responsible for twenty-four children. Right now they are trying to teach the children all about social skills–how to play well with each other and learn how to share.
One of the teachers said something that I know was meant for me. She said that when parents are discipling their children they should not contradict each other. This would only confuse the child. They should be of one accord.
So, if Daddy says “no”, Mommy should say “no” as well, even if Daddy is wrong. And if Mommy says, “no”, Daddy has to go along even if he doesn’t agree. They should never disagree in front of the child because children are smart. They will play the parents against each other. They would go to the one who is lenient when they don’t get the answer they want from the other parent. So, the teacher’s advice was, “Agree on whatever it is even if you’re are both wrong.”
Another teacher admitted that she was guilty of going against her husband. He would say one thing and she would say another. She was the lenient one. She realizes that it causes problems not only between her husband and her but also for the children because they are getting mixed messages.
We need to be on the same page. We need to be a united front when it comes to disciplining our children. We cannot send out mixed messages. We cannot contradict each other. We must agree–in front of the child. When we are alone, we can discuss the matter and share why we don’t agree with the outcome.
I am guilty of disagreeing with my husband in front of our son. So, it’s no surprise when he comes running to me after his Daddy disciplines him. Sometimes I allow my motherly feelings to get the better of me and am reminded that I need to a parent. A parent not only nurtures and cares for a child but disciplines the child when necessary. This is for the child’s benefit. Mothers need to be firm and correct the child when the situation calls for it. The child needs to know that Mommy is not a pushover and that she will stand by Daddy.
The words that stuck with me were, “Now that they are young they can be easily molded because when they get older it will be very difficult or even impossible.” Our son is three and a half years old so we need to start molding him and helping him to change any undesirable behavior. As Christian parents, we will direct our son onto the right path so that when he is older, he will not leave it.
We all want what is best for our children. In order for them to have the life we dream and hope for them, we have to do what is necessary. Part of shaping them into the outstanding people we know they can be, is rooting out any problematic behavior that would rob them of a bright future.
I got a wake up call and have resolved to be of one accord with my husband when it comes to our son. It is the motherly thing to do.