Reasonable Conflict

Isaiah 1:18-20

When you find yourself fighting with someone and you want to stop, you must start at the beginning. First, you need to figure out what you’re fighting about.

  • Each of you should verbalize your view of the problem. What’s the issue?
  • Step into the other person’s shoes for a minute and identify how they would define the problem.
  • You can combine these two definitions until you come up with a mutually agreed-upon definition for the conflict you’re facing. Sometimes it even helps to put the definition in writing to make it a bit more objective.
  • Once the problem is defined, list your options for solving it.

So often we lose the cause of a conflict in the emotion of the moment. Most conflicts can be handled with the application of care-filled logic and reasoning.

Resolution and forgiveness are often forged on the anvil of reason and compassion. Unreasonable disagreements become reasonable conflicts when you take the time to figure out what it is you’re fighting about.

Source:  NIV Devotion For Moms

A lot times it’s hard to think rationally when you’re upset.  Your emotions get the better of you.  You have a shouting match, things are said.  Things you can’t take back.  Sometimes the fight is over something really foolish.  And things did not have to go as far they did.  The conflict could have been easily resolved if both parties weren’t hotheaded and stubborn. 

I have seen some people who are able to keep a cool head when there is a disagreement and they manage to avert a blowup.  How do we deal with someone else’s anger?  Proverbs 15:1, NKJV tells us that, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”  A calm person can difuse a potentially volatile situation.  If one person is angry, the other can try to calm things down. 

We are advised to get over our anger quickly. Ephesians 4:26-27, TLB states: “If you are angry, don’t sin by nursing your grudge. Don’t let the sun go down with you still angry—get over it quickly; For when you are angry you give a mighty foothold to the devil.”  Many of us like to nurse our anger.  We don’t want to talk things out or make amends.  We want to sulk and hold unto what we think is justified anger.  Even if we are justified in our anger, we need to find a way to let go of it at some point.  The best way to do that is not to withdraw or go off somewhere to sulk or give the other person the cold shoulder. 

There is nothing wrong with being angry but if it affects your relationship and prevents you from functioning in your capacity as caregiver, wife, mother, etc, then you need to step back and check yourself.  Figure out why you are so angry.  Is there an underlying reason?  Once you figure out why you are so bent out of shape, talk to your husband about it.  Think about your kids.  They don’t like to see their parents bickering.  It’s unsettling for them.  Sometimes the best thing to do is walk away.  After you or the other person has cooled down, then you try to sort things out calmly and reasonably.   


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