Infidelity

This is something both men and women dread.  King Solomon tried to discourage the men when he offered these words of advice, “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.   She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love” (Proverbs 5:18, 19).  

Adultery was such a serious matter to God that it is included as one of His commandments.  Even Jesus spoke about it.  ”But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).  It starts in the person’s mind and that may lead to the act.   Infidelity can be devastating for a marriage and can lead to divorce or even violence. 

How devasting it is to find out that the person you love, the person you thought you could trust was cheating on you.  You ask yourself why they would do that to you.   

What causes a person to cheat?  Here are five reasons:

1. Feeling neglected – this is one of the most dangerous emotional problems in any relationship. As long you make your partner feel that he or she is the number 1 in your life, everything would look and feel wonderful. When this changes and you find yourself paying more attention to your career, children, social life, relatives, your partner or spouse would feel neglected. In such time it is easier for them to find the security and affection missing at home through an affair.

2. Low self-esteem – sometimes, lack of appreciation, work stress and aging makes a person feel less wanted, less valuable. This is highly accentuated around middle-age. In order to boost their low esteem they choose to prove to themselves that they are still “valued” in the market and go ahead an develop an extramarital affair.

3. Seeking excitement – in some cases the marriage or relationships reach a point where both partners take each other for granted and though there is nothing really amiss, there are no more sparks there, either. The involvement therefore, would be something that adds a little excitement to a mundane life.

4. Too much work and too little leisure – in fact middle age being the time you are contemplating a big move or a big step towards establishing yourself as a successful professional, you might tend to spend too little time with your family. What happens in that case is that your partner would look elsewhere for company, talking, affection and the “understanding” that they are no longer receiving from you. Often these “finding a better company” would turn into full fledge affairs.

5. Falling out of love – this is very much possible and true This can happen to anyone – you or your partner – and when it does it would be necessary to accept the fact, keeping in mind that under no circumstance the affairs of the heart cannot be forced, bought or manipulated. In order to keep the fires burning in the heart, you need to ensure that you communicate closely, share responsibilities in and out the home, including raising the children, among others.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1169646

What do you do when you suspect that your spouse is having an affair?  The first thing we want to do is confront them but remember suspicion is not the same as proof.  Before confronting your spouse you have to be sure.  Don’t jump to conclusions.  Ruth Houston, Infidelity expert offers these tips:

 

• Discreetly — and IMMEDIATELY – search for signs of infidelity to either disprove or confirm what you suspect.
• If it turns out that you were mistaken, no one will be the wiser, and you will at least have set your mind as ease.
• Confront the cheater when you’re ready, at a time of place of your choosing
  after weighing all the facts and considering all the options, decide on the best course of action to take.

How do you forgive an affair?   Canyou forgive an affair? The first step any couple must take in recovering from infidelity is to determine if the relationship should be or can be salvaged. The following are seven critical questions you need to ask yourself and your partner to know if your relationship can survive.1.) Is the situation isolated, or is it a pattern. In other words, has the unfaithful partner shown patterns of infidelity or unfaithful behaviors in the past, or is this disloyalty a one-time thing?  Once may be a mistake but twice or more, that’s deliberate and a pattern.2.) Do you feel that your spouse owns up to what they have done, or do they make excuses? If they own up to what they have done, forgiving them would be easier but if they make excuses, that tells me that they are not sorry.

3.) Do they understand exactly what this has done to you, and how much they have hurt you? Do they realize the gravity of the situation?  Hopefully, once they understand just how much their actions have hurt you and what it can do to the marriage, they will work to

4.) Are they truly sorry for the choice that they made, or are they just sorry that they were caught?  If they show true remorse then there is hope.

5.) Is this person willing to clean up the mess, and do what it takes to mend what they have done? Or, do they just want to forget about it and move on? Are they willing to give up their freedom to enable you to trust them again?

6.) Is doing this out of character for your partner, or are they insensitive in other areas of your relationship together? Do they really care about how you feel or about your well being?

7.) Is infidelity a part of their legacy? Did they grow up like this, or is this new behavior for them that is not present in their past, including family and past relationships? 

Think about what these questions mean to you and to the survival of your relationship. Be careful not to lie to yourself about the situation, and ask yourself these questions honestly. Don’t be afraid to seek out professional help, and talk to them about the questions above. The biggest decision for you to make in the road ahead, is whether or not you should forgive infidelity and try to save your relationship  (http://forgiveinfidelity.com/).

My parents are divorced.  While they were married, my father cheated on my mother.  She gave him a choice–he could stay in the marriage for my sake or he could leave.  He chose to leave.  In retrospect it was the best decision because I would not have wanted him in a marriage in which he was not happy for my sake.  Infidelity affects not only the couple but the rest of the family. 

 

If you suspect your husband or wife of cheating on you, find out if it is true before you do anything else.  Once it’s confirmed, let your spouse know that you are aware of the affair.  Then, it depends on both of you if you want to save your marriage or go your separate ways. 

 

There are ways to prevent infidelity and they are: 

 

Make your marriage your top priority.

Making your marriage your top priority means that your spouse comes before everyone else. Friends and family are important, too, but they should not interfere with your relationship.

Set boundaries.

Some people are naturally friendly and/or flirtatious, and this can get them into trouble when they marry. Certain behavior might give others the wrong ideas about your relationship with them, which can cause awkward situations. The last thing a married person should want to do is send signals to others that he or she is available or interested in a romantic relationship. Become aware of your behavior and change it.

Do not keep secrets from your spouse.

Short of that surprise party you’re planning for your spouse, you should be able to tell him or her anything and everything.

Know the danger zones.

The first step is being aware of the temptations lurking in these places. The second is behaving, when you’re in these situations, in a way that shows you are committed to your marriage. For starters, always let people know up front that you are married and committed to your wife or husband and would not want to do anything to harm that relationship (http://newlyweds.about.com/od/lovesex/a/infidelity_2.htm).

Do whatever you can to keep your marriage going strong so that you are not tempted to stray. 

A Daily Exercise Plan

2 Corinthians 4

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”
(2 CORINTHIANS 4:16)

A simple yet profound line from one of the songs I learned as a child in Sunday School is “Read your Bible, pray every day, and you’ll grow.” Our souls need nourishment: God’s Word is our food and drink. Prayer is the air we breathe.

Paul reminds the Corinthians and us that the treasure of the gospel is held in perishable containers: weak bodies. Any spiritual growth observed in our lives is all for God’s glory. Paul doesn’t hold back in detailing the challenges ahead for the church. He himself was pressed on every side by troubles, perplexed, hunted down, knocked down, suffering and living under constant danger of death. The outlook for his readers was similar.

If these descriptions sound alien to us in our comfortable Western existence, perhaps we need a spiritual health check. Have we stopped growing? Christians in the persecuted church daily experience the life described by Paul and yet can say, “Our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.”

INSIGHT
ARE THERE AREAS OF WEAKNESS IN YOUR CHRISTIAN WALK WHERE YOU ONCE KNEW GROWTH? IS IT TIME FOR SOME REHABILITATION AND A CHANGE OF DIET?

Anchor Devotional